If you ask women what their number one fitness goal is after weight loss, you will likely hear to “tone up.” Ask those same women what the don’t want from their workouts, and you will most likely hear, to “bulk up.”

This is where I grit my teeth and resist the urge to bench press them.

I don’t even know what “bulking up” means- but usually people describe it as gaining weight and size through muscle growth. How do you gain muscle? Strength training. Ergo, women avoid the weight room like the plague.

Biggest mistake of your life.

Well, maybe not your life (remember those college years?) but certainly one of the biggest mistakes you can make in terms of your workout.

Let’s address physical appearance first- since, that seems to be what people care about the most.

The only way you can “tone up” is to strength train. For some, this means yoga, or Pilates, but for most it means hitting the weight room. Cardio is important to get the fat off, but if you don’t build up the muscle underneath, you will weigh less, but look just as flabby.

The fear, though, is lifting weights will cause women to grow large, hulk-like muscles that will send men and small children running for their lives.

Its impossible for women to build these large muscles without trying, and trying hard.  In order to grow large, hypertrophied muscles, there must be a lot of testosterone present in the body. Women do not have enough. That’s why my boyfriend can progress through weights and grow in size quickly while I have been stuck curling the same weight for months now even though I work out way more often than he does.

I’m bitter.

Women looking for big muscles, like figure models, where the look of the muscles (size and symmetry) is what’s important, work all day every day to achieve that size. They work out hours a day, with very specific programs, lifting very heavy weights, and eat very regimented, pre-portioned meals and snacks in the pursuit of these muscles.  You aren’t going to get them on accident.

Now for the health junk:

Women’s fear of becoming large as a result of weight training puts them at a disadvantage when in terms of health. The problem most women run into isn’t building too much muscle, but not building enough. As you age, you lose about 2%-5% of your muscle mass per year, unless you regularly strength train to maintain that mass. This sets you up for a slower metabolism due to that loss of muscle, as well as decreased bone density which can lead to osteoporosis and risk of fractures later on in life.

Plus, for the superficial person in all of us, ask any guy and he’ll tell you muscle definition is sexy.  I get more comments on the definition in my arms and calves than I do on “being thin.” It doesn’t always take work to be thin. Some people are born thin. But muscle definition? No one is born with that. It takes work. Its something to be proud of.

I’m little. Sometimes I can’t even find jeans small enough to fit me. But it feels pretty damn good to walk into the weight room and pick up the same weight as the guy grunting next to me and pound out just as many reps as he did.