I wanted to write some kind of clever opening paragraph but I think I’ll skip the histrionics for once and just stop you right there, wine menu in hand, waiter hovering nearby. Don’t get that. Don’t get the White Zinfandel. Yes, I know it’s hot out. Yes, I know you don’t want a Pinot Grigio, you always get a Pinot Grigio. It’s a chick wine. Is that a derogatory word? I apologize.
Why be so anti-Whte Zinfandel? It’s a loveable little quaff that apparently accounts for 10% of all wine sold by volume in the United States, according to our sometimes shifty friend Wikipedia. But it’s…just not wine. Its crazy sugar content does keep it dangerously close to being plain old fruit juice. It lacks any acidic zing, so it’s not the best food partner. And it should remind you of your freshman year of college when you didn’t know any damn better! But you do now, okay!? You stopped dating Chad the unkempt, un-showered theater major, you can also stop drinking the White Zin. Plus, I swear, some of the worst hangovers I’ve had in the world come the day after drinking fruity cheap wines like such as these.
I have a perfectly wonderful, logical substitution for you and it’s also comes in a lovely shade of pink. It’s Rosé, which is a wine varietal worth exploring because it comes in different styles, from different wine regions, from different grapes. I recently sipped a Rosé (a Grenache/Syrah blend) with a long Frenchy name – a 2008 Chateau Mourgues Du Gres, Les Galets Rosés. It’s a very pretty pink in the glass, smells like watermelons & strawberries, tastes a bit like pomegranate in its lingering finish, has a nice minerally lip-smackin’ quality to it, and would go insanely well on a picnic with all kinds of salads. Chick salads. (Now I’m just being rude.)
But wait, wine snob girl, won’t people nearby think I’m drinking a White Zinfandel if they look exactly the same in a glass? Oh yeah. Wow, crap, I should have thought ahead a bit. Well, how about this, you could shout your order loudly, “Bring me a glass of your finest ROSE, my good sommelier, and NOT WHITE ZINFANDEL. THANK YOU!” There, I’ve solved your wine problem but not your loud-talking problem.
(PS: did you know Boone’s Strawberry wine is NOT wine at all, it’s technically a “malt beverage”? Ewwww.)
