I’ve seen enough photos of Giselle Bundchen to know I will never look like that. And it’s not some big tragedy! It’s just a simple fact of life, just as surely I will never win an NBA championship or swim the English channel.  It’s OK! You don’t HAVE to stuff your womanly curves into impossible spaghetti straps. Seek out a stylish (and un-prudish) one piece. Here are 5 styles you can channel as you seek out the one piece that will forever banish your bikini remorse.

1- Smoldering Vintage Glamour

Surely this is a bathing suit worthy of smiling underwater in!  The 50s called, and they think you are looking pretty smoking in this wine-colored Esther Williams inspired number.  I saw many retro-inspired suits during my search, mostly in straight black and red, but this one seems to stand out from the pack because of its deep romantic color. While the nymphs around you splash around in canary yellows and eye-searing pink, you will look like a poolside femme fatale. (Available at Modcloth.com)

2- The Cougar in Training

Go On, Try It:
So much is being made of the American cougar right now, and it’s not necessarily an entirely bad thing. Suddenly older women are mega hot. Helen Mirren is making us all look bad in those red bikini photos (oh no, remorse again!). Well, don’t let that Dame have all the fun. Try a little cougar style in this Betsey Johnson cheetah print one piece. Try grabbing guys and growling at them too, I don’t know quite how this works. But it seems very popular right now! (Available at UrbanOutfitters.com)

3- Rock & Roll

Alright, I hate to sneak this in there, because this bathing suit is going to hurt your credit card, and it is still revealing enough to require you to sweat and fret and skip dessert and sweat some more. But dang ladies. This suit is truly eye catching.  I don’t think we ever saw Marianne Faithfull in a bathing suit during her Rolling Stones years, but I’m pretty sure this suit is worthy of a 60s rock siren. (Available at NeimanMarcus.com)

4- Modesty Ain’t So Bad

I acknowledge that some folks are just plum modest during bathsuit season, but I’ve seen too many old lady-ish dowdy tanks with little ruffled skirts on women too young to be wearing them. This little bandeau dress swimsuit will not only give you nice coverage but should also allow you to feel your own age.  Comes in an elegant chocolate shade too. (Available at Newport-News.com)

5- And from Modesty to Beyond

Alright. Let’s put all the chips on the table. No bikinis huh? Not even one monokini? Well here, here’s a suit worthy of one of Captain Kirk’s green-skinned girlfriends.  Turn heads in this galaxy and beyond in this scandalous silver lame one piece from scandalous American Apparel. Trust me, don’t be afraid of the Star Trek references. Have you seen Captain Kirk nowadays? (Available at AmericanApparel.net)