Favorite Celebrity Sex Scandals

By Heather Huntington on June 26th, 2009

Sometimes you get caught with your pants down. Sometimes you’re a celebrity and then it winds up in the news when you get caught with your pants down. It just goes to show that you can never, never be too discreet. And if you’re a celebrity, unless you want to have to discuss your proclivities over dinner with your Great Aunt Edna, it might be to your benefit if you’re a little on the vanilla side.

Here is a list of things naughty things not to do if you are famous, unless you really don’t mind having your dirty laundry aired:

The Pix

. Step one, do not take nude photos of yourself under any circumstances. Do not let anyone else take nude photos of you under any circumstances. There are things I do not need to know about you if you are a Disney star (Vanessa Hudgens) or a singer popular with young girls (Rihanna), and that includes whether you go Brazilian or not.

rihanna-1

The Panties Brigade

. Step two: as the ancient Romans used to say, Semper ubi, sub ubi. That is: ALWAYS WEAR UNDERWEAR. Exactly why or when the charmingly named ‘pussy slip’ became something that I had to hear about I don’t know, but seriously, ladies, WTF?! This charming publicity stunt, only employed by the most skanky/drunk/insane of starlets (i.e., Britney and Lindsay), appears to be a waning fad. Fingers crossed.

lilo-car-1

The Sex Tape

. Step three, do not take videos of yourself boffing your latest beau. I don’t care how much you love being on camera (we know), or how certain you are that this is going to be your love forever, unless you are trying to do a homemade audition tape for Vivid Entertainment, going the way of Paris Hilton, Pamela Anderson, Kim Kardashian et al is just really trashy. And embarrassing.

sex-tape-1

Paying For It

. You know what’s cool? Being an attractive young male star. You know what’s not cool? Getting your mugshot slapped across the TV and internet for picking up a ‘working girl’ and getting caught. It’s been years since Hugh Grant got caught picking up Divine Brown, Eddie Murphy got caught picking up the tranny, and Charlie Sheen’s name leaked out of Heidi Fleiss’s books, but these indiscretions will remain with them always. And I loved Hugh Grant, too.

hugh-grant-mug-1

Getting Your Freak On

. Look, we like what we like, and there’s not so much you can do about it. But unfortunately if people find out the deets, your career might suffer the consequences. Illinois Republican/Seven-Of-Nine’s ex-husband Jack Ryan had to drop out of his Senate race after people found out he tried to make her go to sex clubs, Rob Lowe’s career took a major hit when a tape of him getting freaky with two chicks at the 1988 DNC–one of whom was underage (see also sex tape), everyone knows R. Kelly likes him some young girls and one day the charges will stick (once again see sex tape), Pat O’Brien lost his gig at The Insider for his proclivity to drunk dial friends and suggest acquiring some cocaine and hookers, David Duchovny is having marital problems thanks to an art-imitates-life problem with sex addition, the list goes on and on…

rkelly-mug-1