5 Things Never To Say To A Guy

By AV Flox on July 20th, 2009

• Share
• Link to StumbleUpon
• 1 Comment

Editors Note:  Kat here. As an Editor, my job is to help guide the voice of our site to make it more entertaining, useful, and um..Educational.  In terms of Sex Education, AV Flox has a B.A. and a Masters in telling you what she wants and how to get it.  She’s a Sex/Relationship blogger who also blogs at Manolith, our brother site, and we’re pleased to introduce her to you, our Twirlit readers, so she can give you tips about sex, relationships and how to get your guy to do what you want.

So without further ado, here’s AV Flox and her first post:

5 Things Never to Say to a Guy

Communication. That’s one of the first things you’ll read about in any self-help guide to relationships. But there are some things we say that should be permanently struck from our interactions with boys—not because they’re weak creatures we must lure and con into loving us by withholding how we really feel, but because these statements just don’t do much in the way of fostering a good exchange.

“Do I look fat?”

You don’t need someone else to tell you whether you’re fat or not. Your jeans can tell you. This question is rooted in the need for affirmation and attention, which is nothing to be ashamed of—hey, we all want to feel special. The problem with the question is that most men have devised an automated response system to it. Their “no, you look fine!” maneuver will come off as insincere not necessarily because it is, but because the question is so prevalent, the answer has almost become a reflex. So nobody wins.

Better strategy: After changing into your outfit, walk up to him and kiss him. Show him you desire him and let him show you how he desires you.

“We need to talk.”

This statement is particularly heinous if the talk doesn’t immediately follow. But even when the discussion does come right away, this excruciating, anxiety-inducing foreshadowing is more likely to make a person defensive than set the ground for any kind of healthy discussion. It essentially implies “you messed up,” when the other person may not be aware that anything is amiss.

Better strategy: “[Insert issue] makes me feel [negative emotion] and I’m having a hard time with it.” Extra points if you follow up with “what do you think we should do about it?” as opposed to “I think you should [insert alternative behavior].”

“That’s it?”

Ah, sex. It comes in all forms and happens in all manner of ways. A lot of men feel they’re entirely responsible for the awesomeness of a sexual encounter and part of the reason why is statements like these. The truth, as we all know, is that it takes two to tango. Own up. If the sex isn’t everything you want it to be, take charge. This, of course, doesn’t mean barking orders to your partner (unless you are both into that), it means showing him what you like. Everyone is different, so get into it. Explore together and let him know what makes you moan.

Better strategy: if you are experiencing issues that seem related to sexual problems such as premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction, approach the issue directly, but gently—and definitely not while you’re having sex.

“What are you thinking?”

This is not the way to open conversation. It’s not that men don’t think or that they don’t want to share the fact that they’re thinking about sex every 2.5 seconds. It’s that people’s thoughts are a free-flowing, sometimes rather loosely-connected stream of information that isn’t especially easy to set to words.

Better strategy: if what you’re looking for is conversation, bring up the topic yourself by presenting a concrete thought and asking an opinion. If what you want is to discuss an issue developing between you, ask directly what he thinks is a possible solution to what’s going on.

“No, I’m not mad.”

If you’re behaving in a way that will inspire the question, “are you mad?” chances are that you are. It’s OK if you don’t want to talk about it right away. Sometimes things take a while to process. Saying you’re not mad when you are mad—or when you feel a negative emotion you can’t yet identify—is not doing due diligence to yourself and serves only to undermine the relationship (not to mention perpetuate the myth that women are insane once it all comes stumbling out in a fit of epic rage three months later when the poor guy can’t even remember the initial infraction).

Better strategy: “[the event or statement or issue in question] is making me feel some negative emotions, but I am not sure what they are or why it bothers me, so I’m going to give it some thought so that when I talk about them with you I have a better idea of how we can solve them.”

What are some things guys say that make you crazy?