Sarah, We Hardly Knew Ya

By Sherrie Gulmahamad on July 29th, 2009

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Sarah Palin, flanked by “First Dude” Todd and daughters Piper and Willow, said goodbye to the state of Alaska and its nearby Russian neighbors yesterday as she officially stepped down as governor, taking with her some of the wackiest times we have known in American political life.  Of course there is no doubt that we haven’t seen the last of Sarah.  She will certainly rise up again as 2012 gets closer and closer.  She seemed to know we all wanted one last taste of her…strange eloquence before she takes a less prominent position on the national front (except on Fox News).

Within the first few minutes of this her speech, she starts off with this nature riff:

“And getting up here! I say it is the best road trip in America! Soaring through Nature’s finest show. Denali. The great one – soaring, under the midnight sun. And then the extremes. In the wintertimes, it’s the frozen road that is competing with the view of ice-fogged frigid beauty…”

I’m sorry. What?  A road competes with a view? I mean, I get what’s she’s trying to say. Alaska is a beautiful state, still so pristine in places, though nevermind that certain folks (“Drill, baby, drill!”) were staunchly in support of drilling into ANWR.

She dotted her speech with standard Palin malapropisms and grammatically confusing poo-poos:

“With some, seeming to just be hell bent maybe on tearing down our nation. Perpetuating some pessimism and suggesting American apologistics. Suggesting perhaps that our best days were yesterdays?”

These aren’t. Very good sentences. People?  Her stilted, often backwards delivery of her own speech was quickly immortalized by the great William Shatner, who read her text like a piece of beatnik poetry.

Alright, nevermind that. She also peppered her speech with the usual “socialism is bad” jazz:

“Melting into Washington’s powerful ‘care-taking’ arms will just suck incentive to work hard, and chart our own course right out of us.”

I’m not sure how you chart one’s course right out of oneself, but apparently accepting Medicaid might do that to you.

Most importantly, Palin had sharp words for the media, all of whom couldn’t just look beyond all 20 of the ethics complaints filed against her from the time of the unsuccessful McCain campaign to the present day:

“Democracy depends on you, and that is why, that’s why our troops are willing to die for you. So, how about in honor of the American soldier, you quit making things up.”

It’s funny, but what Palin suffered from ultimately is the same thing that has sent Brit Brit to the nuthouse, Lindsay and Mischa to rehab, what turned Jon Gosselin into a douche dad, what makes us loathe Perez Hilton so – way, way too much media exposure. Palin has said repeatedly that the constant media blitz and attention she received has made it difficult to properly govern and keep her family life private.

So, well, then – looks like the Palin clan will be taking a huge media-time out…right? No book deals, no TV appearances, no paid speeches?

Nothing.  Just the ice-fogged frigid beauty of Alaska…right?
Right. Check out the video below:

And William Shatner’s poetic re-interpretation of Palin’s speech: