7 Bridesmaid Survival Tips

By Sherrie Gulmahamad on August 26th, 2009

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This year I went to 1 zillion weddings. Okay, so that’s not a scientifically accurate number, or a number at all as far as I know, but after the 3rd wedding or so I had my duties as a wedding guest down to an art: arrive, sniffle, take badly-focused pictures during the ceremony, kneel & stand and kneel & stand (Catholic services only), find way from church to reception area , and commence intoxication rituals!  It’s not a bad life, really, being a wedding guest.

But then. It happens. Your best friend gives you a ring after she gets the ring and bam. You’ve been elevated from wedding guest to bridesmaid.  This is important stuff!  She could have chosen a million other girls and she chose you – she wants to share the prettiest day of her life with you, you best not mess this up, okay? Here’s some tips I picked up during my last round of bridesmaid duties.  I was actually the maid of honor, so maybe you might find some of these tips to be…too much work but nobody has ever frowned on a young lady with good etiquette. So man up, ladies!

1. Be on time. Better yet, try to always be early!

Show up early to the engagement party, to the dress fittings, to the wedding shower, to wherever the bride needs you to go! She might have a wedding planner but she will love having your steadfast support during all these other events as well. Two extra hands can put flowers in vases, cards on tables, stick stamps on wedding invitations, etc. And if you’re there to help her during all these pre-wedding moments, she is going to feel confident and relaxed as the wedding gets closer knowing that you haven’t been flaky, not once!

2. Try to be comfortable and familiar with her family.

You’re going to have to spend some time with these people, so if you don’t know them already, get to know them!  Get to the point where you call her parents by their first names. Should your bride morph into Bridezilla you’re going to have to all work together to keep her from going ballistic anyhow.

3. Ask *constantly* if your bride needs help.

Ask a lot, ask before every pre-wedding event, call before you show up. Ask her again. Be annoying about it. I didn’t know that my bride needed more help with her wedding shower until after the fact. I had assumed the other bridesmaids were planning the entire affair and 2 months later I found out she did all the work herself. Bad bridesmaid, bad.

4. Don’t bitch about your dress.

This is one of the most annoying complaints I hear from friends about bridesmaiding duties and I think it’s pure whining and bitchery. This is hopefully the ONLY day you will have to wear a dress your friend has picked out for you, and definitely one of the more important days. You will put that beige taffeta number on and be happy about it.   I know often cost can be an issue with these dresses but if you have a good relationship with your friend, you can be honest about it and talk to her about it. Stop being a whiny bitchy little thing, okay?

5. Aaaactually…

Ask her the bride if you are allowed to change out of your bridesmaid dress long after the ceremony has passed. If you are anything like me (read: a little roly poly) you will want to get out of your tight-ish possibly too-warm dress ASAP and back into more normal party clothes. I would clear it with the bride first and only change after all official photos have been taken.  You will feel so much more normal and comfortable back in a normal party dress of your choosing.

6. If you are the Maid of Honor – write your speech out!

No “winging it”. I bet you have a lot of lovely nice things you want to say to the bride on this day.  You wouldn’t want to forget it all and start moving into non sequiters about things that happened in college.  You do not have the oratory skills of Barack Obama. You are a silly girl in a beige taffeta dress. You better sit down and type that stuff out!  And then read it a few times before you have to stand up and deliver it.

7. This is the most important one, and the hardest one. Do. Not. Get. Too. Drunk. Right Away, that is!

I did not have a single full drink the day of the wedding until all the toasts were long behind us and we were on the dance floor. By then all your official duties are over and your only duty is to bust a move like a maniac.  This is a day when people create lifelong memories.  Don’t make everyone remember you vomitting into the bushes outside the reception hall.  Let them remember your excellent robot dances, or your funky running man moves. Those are perfectly acceptable wedding memories.