The phrase “No means no” might still be popular but its companion is climbing the charts. That new catch phrase is “Yes might also mean no.”

Tell me if this sounds familiar? A guy asks you if you’d like to do something. Nothing specific, just a general query to see if you want to meet up in the future. This might be via a text or conversation or maybe even Facebook. Now your first impulse is to think he wants to date you. And while that might be true, it might not be his sole interest. It might be just a casual thing, it might be just a networking thing, so – because you are curious – you say “Yes.”

In the meantime you start having second thoughts. Why the message online? Why the vague nature of the question? What does he really want? And finally, when he contacts you to firm something up (no pun intended) you bail. You don’t return his call, you don’t answer his message or – worse yet – you do and then just fail to show. You said “Yes” but then you say “No.”

This is what I’m calling “The Affirmative Blowoff” and it has become standard practice in the new male/female battlegrounds.  How do I know this? Because I’ve personally experienced it and heard NUMEROUS stories from other guys (and girls) who have also engaged in it.

So this is happening and it sucks on several levels.

Here’s why:

First - You ladies aren’t giving us a fair shake. By saying “yes” then “no” we get the feeling like we did something wrong. Please don’t make us feel bad for being interested. And if you are intimidated by any sexual tension, don’t be.  It is true that guys think about sex pretty much all the time, but meeting one of us out for a drink doesn’t require you to spread your legs in the bathroom. Nor are we expecting it. You are meeting up to talk – nothing more – and that’s what is expected. What happens from there is up to you and him. No guy (worth knowing) would expect anything other than civility and respect with a single meet-up.

Second - If you don’t want to hang out with the guy, please JUST SAY SO. Wild concept, huh? Sure saying that bluntly is awkward, but at least it sends a message and it avoids any mixed signals later. There’s very rarely a time when honesty isn’t the best thing.

It’s understandable that people second guess themselves. And people often say “yes” to avoid awkward conversations. Plus, with social networking, it is so much easier for a guy (or girl) to contact someone when they might not have the guts in person and then things again become murky.

But if you say “Yes,” mean it. If you say “No,” mean it. And if you change your mind, at least let them know. Please, just be honest. And if you can’t do that, at least cushion the blow. By saying “Yes” and not meaning it you come off like a hypocrite, or worse, a liar. We wouldn’t want “Yes” to make the list of  “Five Things Never to Say to a Guy.”

So change your ways and avoid “The Affirmative Blowoff.” It’s the first step in stopping a game that is just no fun for anyone.