Single Women May Still Want to Follow “The Rules”

By Sarah Matheny on September 2nd, 2009

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As I write this, the feminist in me is screaming, “NO!,” much like a younger me, with longer hair, a navel piercing and some stylish Calvin Klein overalls screamed during my freshman year of college when my best friend handed me her copy of “The Rules.”

Everything this guide to “Capturing the heart of Mr. Right” told me went against everything I had been taught and was continue to learn about being a woman and having a voice:  Don’t call him back, Don’t accept an impromptu invitation and heaven help you, Don’t EVER ask HIM out.  Ever.

Still, I followed The Rules, and just the aura of confidence I had, the self-created social importance I had cast upon myself, attracted men.  I use the term “men” loosely for the Natural Ice shotgunning frat boys I dated in college.

So when I heard there was a new dating guide on the scene that espoused the same theories as “The Rules,” I was intrigued.  “How to be a Hepburn in a Hilton World,” written by Jordan Christie, advises women that to find a man they should be demure, well-spoken and charming, and should let the man do the pursuing.  Not an easy lesson for women of this era, who not only have been taught to have an opinion and speak it, but text it, email it, instant message it, tweet it and post it on your Facebook wall.

The fact of the matter is this: Men want to wear the pants.  They want a woman with a certain amount of mystery around her and a woman who IS independent and has her own life.  They want a challenge.  If Mr. Right knows what you had for breakfast, how many points you earned on Mafia Wars and what Golden Girl you would be, not only is that element of mystery destroyed, but so may be any interest.

When I met my husband, I made it seem like I had a full social calendar and more confidence (and better hair) than Donald Trump. I looked busy.  I looked confident.  I looked happy.  I waited.  Patiently.

Then I got tired of waiting.  I got the conversation started by sending my future husband an email asking what he thought about the firing of our favorite sports’ team’s coach, just to get the ball rolling.  Sure enough, he asked me out and the rest is history.

Guys may like to wear the pants, but sometimes they need just a small, kitten heel encased kick in them.  Maybe some rules were meant to be broken.