“Leave Me Alone” and Other Healthy Things To Say To Your Partner

By Lisa M on September 11th, 2009

Husband, domestic partner, boyfriend, soul mate – whatever you want to call your life partner, all the names imply one thing – togetherness. And while life is beautiful when you have a partner in crime to explore life with, it is also beautiful when you spend time exploring life on your own. Keeping a healthy sense of independence is important for each person in a healthy relationship.

Here are three surprisingly healthy things to tell your partner to keep your relationship happy and healthy.

1. Leave me alone – Although it is important to carve out quality time with your partner (cleaning the house and grocery shopping are NOT quality time), it is important to carve out quality time for you and only you. Before moving in with my boyfriend, I lived alone for three years. I had an entire house to myself. I spent a lot of quality time on my own meditating, jogging, and dancing in my living room by myself. I still need and crave that time alone and my partner is understanding of that. Let your partner know when you need time to yourself and be understanding when he tells you the same.

2. Hey, that’s mine – We’ve been taught that it is important to share everything with your partner, but I beg to differ. I need time with my friends, even if they may be mutual friends. Having been in a marriage for seven years where all our friends were mutual friends, I now realize the importance of having your own friends to confide in and have fun with. And if they are mutual friends, carve out time to spend with them on your own.

3. No – in an effort to be supportive, those of us in a happy and healthy relationship may find this word difficult to say. Don’t misinterpret – compromise is still key, but there are times when we must draw boundaries within the confines of a relationship. There are times when saying no is just as important as saying yes.

When it comes time to say any of these things to your partner, it’s all about the delivery. Explain why you need alone time, why you want to go out with your friends without him, or why you are saying no to something. Just understand that fostering your own person will contribute to your ability to be a good partner.