What’s a Demi Lovato? and Other Internet Based Questions

By Sherrie Gulmahamad on September 15th, 2009

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I am getting old.  The dew is off the daisy, man.  I peruse my favorite guilty pleasure celebutard gossip blogs and see those tabloid stalwarts, Madonna, Brit Brit, the Cruise robots, the Pitt-Jolies or the Jolie-Pitts (depending on who is the focus on the photo).  But in between these pillars of soothing dysfunction, my aging eyes fall upon some new squirrelly little faces. Who…who are these tiny, vaguely whorish ingenues?  What exactly is it that they do?  And will I have to keep looking at them for a while?

Here’s a short guide for aging ladies who still want to flail about in the warm youthful waters of pop culture for a little while longer…

What’s a Demi Lovato?

A pop singer consort to the Jonas Brothers, co-starring with the popular moppets in Camp Rock.
Her Look: She’s the one that’s not Selena Gomez.

Sticking Around Probabilty: If Lovato can successfully buck the Disney stuff, we might be stuck with her for a while.  This summer her second album debuted at #1 on the Billboard 200.  Still, this is a dubious distinction.  The week before the Billboard #1 was a Daughtry album! (Yeew.)

What’s a Taylor Momsen?

One of the vampy and stylish young blondes on CW’s Gossip Girl, whose fashion looks on and off the set are much photographed.
Her Look: If you squint enough, she seems Courtney Love-ish.
Sticking Around Probability:  Medium to high, due to her side band project The Pretty Reckless. Momsen writes the songs, sings lead, and plays the guitar. Look how long 30 Seconds to Mars has been around, they’re like old man veterans of the rock scene now! Never underestimate an actor’s undying devotion to his/her own rock band. See also: Bruce Willis, Russell Crowe, etcetera.

What’s a Mitchel Musso?

A teen boy entity owned by the Disney corporation, who plays the boyfriend of Miley’s best friend on the Hannah Montana show.
His Look: Pierced ears, long hair, slim build. Dude almost looks like a lady.
Sticking Around Probability: Maybe-ish. You never know when one of these former Disney stars will do the right indie movie with the right edgy content and blow away their former boyish persona. For now, Musso sells adolescent sweaty longing to preteen girls at amusement park performances. (No like!)

What’s a Shenae Grimes?

Teen drama veteran of both Degrassi: The Next Generation and the CW’s 90210.
Her Look: Young Shania Twains-y.  Coincidentally, her name always reminds me of Shania Twain and then the most rudimentary of research yields the fact that Grimes *played* the teenage Shania Twain in a TV biopic.  To quote Wayne’s World, So it’s not just a clever name?
Sticking Around Probability: As of this second, middling.  90210 2.0’s ratings were so-so, especially in comparison to the original show’s ratings. Although, Twain could always use a stunt double?

What’s a Taylor Lautner?

This guy probably is no stranger to you vampire enthusiasts, but he’s the teenage beefcake co-star to Robert Pattinson and Kristin Stewart in the Twilight franchise. PS – I think the tabloids should call them PatWart.
His look: Vaguely ethnic. Downright lycanthropic.
Sticking Around Probability: Medium to high.  Lautner exhibited his martial arts skills in the Robert Rodriguez family action film, The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl in 3D.  If he squanders his Twilight fortunes, he can at least have a second life chopping baddies in action films.

(Which new stars did we leave out whose sudden fame downright puzzles you? Comment away!)