We’ve all been in arguments. Sometimes we pick them ourselves (because we’re angry, want to hash it out, or are just PMS-ing) and sometimes it’s the other person who starts it and we end up the victim of their bad mood. It’s those cases that are the most frustrating — those times when you can see an argument coming and even though you’re just not in the mood there’s nothing you can do to stop it.
Real Simple might have the answer, though, with their list of ‘argument busters,’ or phrases that can cut a dispute off at the knees so it never even gets started. They have ten altogether, for every different situation, but here are my favorite four.
“I’m sorry you’re upset.”
Why it works: You’re acknowledging the person’s feelings, which kinda takes the wind out of the fight. Just make sure you say it sincerely and don’t let any sarcasm creep in.
“I need your help. Can you please __”
Why it works: Many an argument has grown out of annoyance and resentment, so remind yourself to ask your friends and loved ones for help when you need it (and be specific) and don’t assume they can read your mind.
“Thank you for your opinion, I’ll think about it.”
Why it works: If you don’t want to argue about something, then don’t. Simply thank the other person for their thoughts and assure them that you will take them into consideration (of course you’ll ‘consider’ them ridiculous, but they don’t have to know that).
“Is this a good time for you?”
Why it works: If you have something important or delicate to talk about make sure to choose your timing wisely, don’t expect the other person to drop whatever they’re doing and be ready to discuss it right when you are.
(Photo courtesy of Ed Yourdon on Flickr)
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Comments
peapod
September 23rd, 2009 - 7:53:34 AM
good stuff. I'm a big fan of simply acknowledging that people are pissed - it goes a long way. "What can I do to help you" is a good one, too. I find a lot of times if you ask this the person usually tells you there isn't anything you can do (since it's their problem to solve) and they just want you to listen, OR they'll tell you exactly what you can do - which helps narrow down their needs and lets you determine what you can and can't do to help. Either way, it helps reduce tension and helps take a step toward solving the problem.
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