Most of my days and nights for the past 20-some years of my life have been spent struggling whether it was personally or professionally. In the past, I really didn’t have much to say about certain topics because I was so caught up in the difficulty of the situation and also, I was immature. But getting older does have its benefits, like the gaining of wisdom. Here’s my two cents.
Life is Unfair. Deal With It.
I grew up in a working class family in the city of and outskirts of Philadelphia and had to work at my parents’ hip-hop clothing store in the Germantown area on Saturdays. The store was called Street Blue and I hated it. I hated the store. Hated the fact that I had to help my parents, but most of all, I hated the fact that I was never sure if the store would make enough money. These were big thoughts for a 10 year old, and I would compare my parents to the parents of my friends who had more money, stable jobs, and most importantly, didn’t make their kids go work at a store on Saturdays. Looking back, I think about what a huge brat I was. Seriously. I mean, my parents gave up everything for me and my brother, so we could have a better life in America and here I was, complaining because I had to help them out. The point is, when you’re going through a tough or unfair situation, think of it as an exercise in patience-building. Or you could become another Negative Nancy or Norm. The choice is up to you.
Don’t Compare Yourself to Others. It’ll drive you nuts. Trust me.
I believe that competitive juices begin to flow once you’ve achieved the capability to breathe. It might have started in a Little League Teeball game, when your parents would compare your hitting strategy with another player. This would slowly progress to you comparing yourself and your achievements to those of your friends and colleagues. My high school experience was pretty competitive and I remember that the students in my Advanced Placement classes would be ruthless in their quest for the top grades. I’ve never been particularly book smart and had to work twice as hard to maintain my grades because things were harder for me to understand. My AP Calculus teacher would always be patient with me even when I’d stay after school every day because I never seemed to understand anything in this class. In the beginning, I thought he was going to hate me, but he never complained and was always helpful. I’d compare myself to my fellow classmates who never had to study and still managed to Ace the tests and would be really hard on myself. One day after receiving a not-so-great score on an exam, he took me aside and told me that the only person I should ever compete with is myself. It’s something that I have to remind myself of everyday, but it stuck. Thank God.
Accept Yourself For Who You Are. Cheesy as it sounds, it’s the one thing that will keep you sane. And positive.
My whole life, I’ve tried to be someone else. Someone prettier, smarter, better at sports, better at science, a person who not only wanted to be Valedictorian but also aced the AP exams, was captain of all the sports teams, volunteered, was homecoming queen, and oh yeah, had to date the hot jock at school. (None of these things happened) Then I went to college in New York City and was enthralled by the craziness and diversity of the city. There were downtown hipsters, people from the Midwest, the Uptown trust fund kids, the kids from places as far as the United Arab Emirates, China, Brazil, and Denmark. Everyone had their own unique style and life experience that they brought to this hectic city and I thrived on it. As tough as a city New York can be, it’s the place that taught me to accept myself for who I am, the good and the bad. Now, that doesn’t mean that everyone’s going to roll up and be your friend in NYC. They probably won’t but they’ll be honest with you about it. (Hey, it’s a tough city)
Don’t find happiness in material things which break, tear, rip, get old and defunct, stretch out, and fade. Invest in what people can’t take away, your heart and brain.
Maybe its life or circumstance, but very rarely do things always go your way. Life has its ups and downs but one thing is for certain, you can’t predict anything that’s going to happen. I had a co-worker who was the type of girl who had to control EVERYTHING. From the amount of sugar she puts in her coffee to the salary that her prospective boyfriend had to make in order for her to consider going out with him, she was a control freak. She also rang up a $40,000 credit card debt solely for her love of Marc Jacobs and Chloe dresses. Granted, the girl has an amazing wardrobe, but she would tell me that she was constantly unhappy with her life. (Think “Confessions of a Shopaholic”) I’m definitely not perfect but she taught me that you really have to find happiness in things that aren’t so fleeting. That might be love, relationships, reading more books, figuring out your talents, or focusing on helping others through volunteer work. We all have different paths, so the sooner you find yours, the happier you’ll be.
Don’t listen to people who drink Haterade on a daily basis. I prefer sugar-free Red Bull. Seriously.
I used to be that type of person that needed everyone to like me, you know that person that needs constant assurance that they’re doing the right thing or following the right path. All it did though was make me a miserable person and you really can’t make everyone like you. Even Will Smith has a few haters, and why would ANYONE hate on him? Once I started focusing on being a positive person and doing things that made me happy, I started thinking less about what other people thought. It’s the opposite of high school mentality when popularity seemed so important. The point is that if you put good out into the world, it’ll eventually make its way back to you. People who put out negative vibes usually get back the same, so don’t be like them.
Find Your Escape
I love music and singing, ever since I was about 5 years old and wouldn’t stop singing along to anyone and everything on MTV. And that trend hasn’t changed too much as music, singing and karaoke are ways in which I de-stress from realities of life. I’m not the type of person that compares my problems to those of everyone else because at the end of the day, your problems are just that; Your own, and you have to deal with it. But over the years, I’ve learned how to deal with stressful situations and difficulties by having an escape, so that problems can become a slightly more bearable. When I was struggling in NYC, starting my career, there were many days/nights when I felt as though I was completely lost because I had this huge dream, but didn’t know how to get there. My friends from school were in stable careers in the world of Finance, and I was broke, barely able to pay rent and living off of Balance bars and coffee. (I don’t recommend this as it’s not very healthy) But I always had music and at the time, I used a beat-up CD player, and would walk from internship to job to apartment to auditions, listening to Bach, Jay-Z, 2Pac, and whatever else I had. To this day, whenever life throws me a hardball, I don’t freak out. (Usually) Instead, I put on my headphones and zone out. Think. Re-strategize my life. My brain. My sanity. The point of this story is that we all have problems (DUH), but the hard part is learning how to deal with them in a constructive way. Sure you can do a bunch of negative, non-constructive things to yourself, your body, and your brain in order to escape, but one day, you’ll have to wake up and face the world and those pesky problems. You might as well start now, so find an escape that helps you cope. And strangely, you get stronger, so when new issues or problems arise, you become more equipped to deal with them in a more positive manner.
Make time for love, friends, and family. They’ll be the ones who will be there for you when everything else fades. Your job or your bank account won’t feed you soup when you’re fighting a cold or will pick you up on the side of the road when your car engine breaks down. Just sayin’
I grew up with a loving working-class family that has been fraught with financial problems for most of my adult life which is definitely what has been my driving force in life to succeed. During middle and high school, I wasn’t the smartest, but I tried the hardest, usually putting friends and family after my studies. This trend continued throughout college and my early 20’s as I put career success and work before any other aspect of my life, bypassing friends’ birthdays, weddings, gatherings, sports events, and travel excursions. I basically sacrificed my relationships with others in order to pursue my career goals, and yes there have been benefits, but there are also a ton of drawbacks. I realize that life is all about give or take, not just how much money you have in your money market account or if you booked a guest-star role on that TV show. These days, I’m trying to repair broken relationships and do my best to keep my relationships with others in a positive place because there’s really nothing like being around a bunch of people who care about you. But the only way you’ll have that is if you spend time with others and give OF yourself to them and others around you. With love, you get what you GIVE. Enough said on that topic.
