How to Deal When Jealousy Rears Its Ugly Head

By Lisa M on September 30th, 2009

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Are you the jealous type? Does your mind real over the thought of what your partner is doing when you’re not around?  If so, you are well aware that living in a jealous brain is no fun at all.  But if you are the jealous type, there are things you can do to help you cope and make you a better partner.

1.  Face a trust issue.  Has your partner given you a reason to doubt his or her loyalty?  If not, then continue to trust and not react to imagined problems.  I have had to deal with my own reluctance to trust people my entire life.  A few bucks on therapy let me know something I should have figured out on my own.  My trust issues had a lot to do with the fact that one of my parents would leave unannounced for weeks or even months on end when I was a kid.  Once I was able to identify my feelings of distrust as residual issues from back in the day, I knew there was no point in living the present from my view of the past.

2.  Recognize your own insecurity. Jealousy is insecurity in disguise.  Rather than taking a good look at yourself to determine why you are feeling insecure, it is much easier to fool yourself that someone else’s actions are really the problem.  Find out why you are feeling insecure.  Make a personal inventory and list the things about yourself that you find to be wonderful and also make a list of self-improvement items.  Begin to work on achieving your own personal goals and start feeling better about yourself.  As you feel more secure on your own, jealousy will take a backseat.

3.  Need attention? Paul McCartney is credited with saying “The love you get is equal to the love you give.”  When you wish your partner would be more affectionate, start being more affectionate to your partner.  If you wish your partner would surprise you with a romantic dinner, surprise your partner with a romantic adventure.  If you need attention, start to give more attention to your partner.  Be the partner you wish you had.

Inability to trust, feelings of insecurity, and the need for attention can crumble any relationship.  If you are unable to trust your partner or if they aren’t giving you the attention you deserve or need, it may be time to consider therapy, or the cheaper, less-heady option, a breakup.  If a person is going to be unfaithful or leave you, spending one moment being jealous or insecure will not change their mind.  Love is a risk. If you’re not a person who can take chances, it may be time to head back to the single life.

You and your partner each deserve to love and be loved without negative emotions.  Feeling insecure and jealous at times is natural in any relationship, but when these feelings creep up, recognize them for what they are, and communicate openly with your partner.  Love your partner the way you want to be loved and hopefully the feelings of jealousy will fade.