Defriending on Facebook

A few months ago, I was having a discussion with a friend the day after she’d gone on her first ritual Facebook purge. She hailed from a distinctly conservative town that no longer meshed with her values, and after a few particularly ignorant comments from her fellow classmates — a couple of which, if I recall correctly, were lobbied directly at her — she realized that not only did she not want to listen to this sort of thing, but that she didn’t have to either.

“These people weren’t my friends then, and they’re not my friends now,” she said proudly. “I clicked delete.”

But as much as I understood her decision, I couldn’t imagine defriending myself. I mean, obviously, you’re not really saying, “I want to be your friend” when you friend someone on Facebook. In fact, what you’re probably saying is, “I would like to be a social contact” or “I would like to network with you” or even, “I admit that we both enjoy looking at each others’ photos to see if either of has developed thunder thighs.”

As of now, there are people that I’m “friends” with that post pictures of themselves hunting or post Bible verses, as well as all sorts of other things that I’m distinctly not into. I figure, live and let live. And while you’re at it, entertain me with what I think is your nuttiness.

But then I discovered, that like my friend, I too have my breaking point. A former high school classmate, one I actually sort of liked, started making some insensitive gay jokes and all sense of humor drained out of me. Like a reflex, my finger found the keyboard well before my brain caught up. Bing! Defriended.

A couple of months later, another “friend” spent two solid days posting provocative stuff about Ted Kennedy every 30 minutes when he died. Jerky move? Sure. At a volume that indicated possible mental instability? Yes. Reason to defriend? And miss all the fun? No way! Until, of course, the “homo” jokes came out. Bing! Deleted.

While I’m not gay, some of my friends are. It’s bad enough I live in a state that voted down equal marriage rights, but I don’t need to tolerate people abusing others with this kind of casual ignorance. In the end, while I can be pretty tolerant of most wing-nuttery, it turns out that there is one thing I just can’t stomach: prejudice.