Since being old enough to own a credit card (just not smart enough to control my spending), I have bought a lot of stupidly expensive things. I won’t go into detail, but it’s no understatement to say that I have blown thousands on designer shoes, handbags and clothing. But, even a fiscally irresponsible shopaholic like me knows when an item isn’t worth the debt. In this case, that item is Alexander Wang’s $395 biker shorts.

He may be the whiz kid of the fashion industry right now (and I do love his clothes), but I don’t think even his elevated status can fool shoppers into dropping hundreds on a pair of black Spandex shorts that look more like an undergarment than anything else. I can’t even think of any hip application for these shorts that might somehow justify purchasing them. I’m trying to put together outfits in my head and it’s just not working.

Wang tried to justify the price by saying that the yarn used is from Italy and it was digitally woven to create the shorts. Big deal. The end product doesn’t look like anything special. I at least expected some hip details (studs or cutouts) and I certainly expected there to be color. But, there is none of that. These are just plain old black biker shorts with an excessive markup. I’m serious when I say that they look identical to Spanx, the undergarments notably worn under pretty much every dress at the Oscars, Golden Globes and every other Hollywood awards show. See for yourself. At least with Spanx there’s some guarantee your butt will look smoother though. Alexander Wang makes no such promise.

So take your $400 biker shorts, hop on your bike and pedal off into the sunset Alexander Wang.