Single Girl Dating Diaries: Recycle, Re-use, Or Brand New?

By Amelie DeNovelis on December 24th, 2009

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I had a plan. I stuck to it for four solid days, the easiest days of the week, Monday through Thursday. But when Friday rolled around, my resolution to not get involved with anyone and spend time solo went right out the window. I know I need to spend some time on my own, figuring out who I am without Tony, without a boyfriend, and without a husband. Truth be told, I’m not sure I know who I am without someone. I was with Tony since I was a teenager.
Who is Amelie as an independent woman? I sat and thought about that long and hard during the work-week, but after a stressful week, I was ready to let loose and stop being so trapped in my own thoughts.

John and I have hooked up occasionally over the past few weeks, but I told him I didn’t want anything serious and I wanted to spend time alone. I met up with some friends on Friday night, and 13 was there. We said hi, and I proceeded to dive in to full party mode. My dear friends, being the binge drinkers they are, were right there with me. It was the kind of night where we were drinking shots way faster than their effects could be felt. By the end of the night, I was sitting coyly and drunkenly on 13’s lap, yelling at friends from across the bar – I know, not a shining, classy moment. But it was at that moment that John walked in. We made eye contact and then I looked away. He kept staring. Then he left the bar. I was too drunk and having too much fun to care. 13 and I left the bar together and headed back to his place for our romp session – I think I have a friend with benefits.

Naturally, I left in the early morning hours without saying goodbye. I arrived in my driveway to find John’s car in front of my house. Honestly, my instinct was to just keep driving, and I should’ve. Instead, I asked him how long he had been waiting and he immediately went in to a tirade about my behavior last night, whether I went home with 13, and asking how could I do this to him. I’m sorry, but do what? I told him I didn’t want anything serious. He reminded me I told him I wanted to spend time alone.

After about an hour of talking and arguing, he finally left. At that moment, I was happy to be alone. But deep down, I know that the feeling won’t stick. I know I should spend time on my own, but I do like sex and I do like companionship. My plan for now is to find someone new, though. I think recycling and re-using are not the best approaches anymore.