2009 will forever be the year I was perpetually confronted by the personage of Lady Gaga, the instant icon pop chanteuse who coats her barely-ok dance hits with a thick veneer of artistic intent. In some kind of way, that was one of the many themes of the first decade of this new millennium of ours – the balance between the banal and significant, the douche and the gentleman, the innocent and the harlot.
My point is, you already love Bad Romance despite the fact that the sappy Kylie-Minogue-ish chorus would sound best issuing forth from a cheesy discotheque. I can’t talk you down from that ledge. You’re huffing that Gaga album like you’ve never breathed before. I won’t put it on this list. You will just have to deal! Go on, leave me your dirty dirty comments!
The Most Obvious Pick – “Single Ladies”, Beyonce
It’s ironic that a very moneyed young songstress happily married to a very moneyed hip hop business magnate has sung the greatest anthem to the particular sting of singledom caused by a non-committal man. But that is the glory of Beyonce, veteran hit-maker! Ask the DJ to play it at the next wedding you’re at and the dance floor will swarm with single girls shaking it. But it’s not a depressing moment; I know because I’ve been there. It’s a LOT more dignified than standing around during that damn bouquet tossing. Thank you, Beyonce.
The Dark Excellence Instant Classic Award – “Daniel”, Bat for Lashes
Natasha Khan is living in another dimension, where you can be mystical, seductive, vulnerable, knowing and strong all at the same time. For girls who like peacock feathers, smoky eyeshadow, dark red wine and black leggings.
Best Alt-Country Heartbreak – “This Tornado Loves You”, Neko Case
“I’ve waited, with a glacier’s patience / I’ve smashed every transformer with every trailer til nothing was standing, sixty-five miles wide / Still you are nowhere, still you are nowhere, nowhere in sight” – Neko Case has always mixed genuine soulful country feeling with a wink-wink dose of knowing humor of what it really means to be a woman (or Godzilla? That was totally a Godzilla reference in there). Best yet, she’s got a voice like a clarion bell cut with warm honey. Listen, already.
Best Hand Claps – “No Intention”, The Dirty Projectors
I know what you’re thinking, that this shouldn’t count because there are boys in the band! Well forget it, that’s totally cheap reasoning. Where’s your spirit of equality! Anyhow, it takes 3 talented girls to sing all the intertwining harmonies in this song.
What? More Rule Breaking! – “Jolene”, Dolly Parton
Parton had a singles set reissue this year, a 4 CD set simply called “Dolly”, so yes, this does count! I know we all felt bad for Taylor Swift getting mic-jacked on stage by a professional-grade douche earlier this year, but Swift has a long long road to walk if she wants to be 1/10th of that which is Dolly Parton.
Best Song for Fighting Robots – “IRM”, Charlotte Gainsbourg
It’s been a solid year for one of the world’s coolest Frenchwomen, who also won an award for acting at Cannes, for her insanely brave work in Lars Von Trier’s Antichrist. She also found some time to get together with Beck to make an album, IRM (which is French for MRI). The title song is full of medical dread, visions of holes in the head, set to the cold pulsing whir of an MRI machine, Gainsbourg dropping Beck-ish phrases (“following the x-ray eye”) to the beat.
Gets Better on Each Listen Award – “Zero”, The Yeah Yeah Yeahs
I had certain prejudices against this single and its album when it first came out. I loved the YYYs for their angular and arty guitars first heard on their first eponymous EP – and here they were, drowning out the guitars with…gasp, fey synthesizers? Then I got over it, and got it. “Shake it – like a ladder to the sun” is a beautiful image and a little piece of perfect poetry. Gettin’ hyperbolic here.
Best Chorus You Don’t Know Yet – “When We Swam”, Thao and the Get Down Stay Down
Thao sounds like a less vulnerable Cat Power or a much tougher Feist, but she doesn’t get big diva props like those girls do, so what gives? This song has a chorus that is so simple and catchy you will find yourself just wanting to say it to people, people who will inevitably not get it – “Oh, bring your hips to me – to mee-ee-eeee, to mee-ee-eeee.”
OKAY FINE. The Great Compromise Award – This girl’s ukulele cover of “Paparazzi” – Lady Gaga
I think it took a more innocent, less postured, less dancey disco version of this song for me to appreciate it. Wow, miracles are possible! Happy New Year.
