Go Boldly Where No Woman Has Gone Before

By Sherrie Gulmahamad on January 25th, 2010

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Alright, before we begin, I am already anticipating a flurry of comments that will all say, “YOU KNOW THERE ARE WOMEN IN ALL OF THESE PLACES, YOU SHOULD DO MORE RESEARCH OK,” but that’s not the point here.

I’m not being literal about the fact that women don’t go to UFC matches, or never point a pistol at a shooting range. My primary mission with this post is to get you out of your comfort zone. You aren’t really going to meet a great man in the Nars makeup section of your favorite Sephora. He’s not even going to be in your yoga class — and if he is there, I bet he’s there with his wife or girlfriend! Same goes for wine bars, sample sales, spinning class, knitting groups, and so on.

And I’m not suggesting that you even go to these new frontiers and flirt up a frenzy. I’m simply saying you aren’t learning anything about the great hairy apes in our midst by doing the same old things in the same old places. Observe. Inhale the strange smells. What can you learn about mankind in these brave new locations?

A UFC MATCH
Here in the urban cities of America, if you are a female, your only awareness of the wide wide world of MMA might be those giant billboards that seem to pop up on the entire sides of buildings, featuring two neck-less guys glaring out at you with a death stare.  Well, get aware, sisters. UFC matches can now be watched in over 33 countries around the globe.  That’s 33 dating pools!  I have been in several recent conversations with men about ultimate fighting and the same points seem  to come up over and over again: it  isn’t just wrestling, it’s a pure form of hand-to-hand combat and athleticism, it lacks the overexposure and boring old thrills of normal sports, and it is viewed as a bit of a thinking-man’s sport, with strategy and mindfulness being just a big of part of it next to sheer brute strength.  Do you know who Fedor Emelianenko is?  He might be the hero of many, many men you want to date.  What I’m emphasizing here is the passion – if you don’t want to go to a screaming match during which blood will actually be shed, then at least take some vague interest in one of the fastest growing sports on the planet.  You might actually impress a dude by knowing even the tiniest fact about scary old Fedor up there.
Alternate location: A Kickboxing Class

THE BEER AISLE AT WHOLE FOODS
Speaking from personal experience and I’m not bragging.  I’m no raving beauty, but I have stood and gawked at the beer aisle in Whole Foods more than once and every single time, without fail, a man will try to talk to me there.  Sometimes its the clerk, simply wanting to give advice or guidance (and he’s cute), or a fellow shopper who is thoughtfully looking for something to pair with his lonely single-man dinner (aw, sad).  I know many of you would rather go buy your usual $6 bottle of watery Pinot Grigio but…you can at least cruise through and maybe look at the labels on those specialty craft beers, read a few of those description tags just to see what they say, out of let’s call it – an intellectual curiosity.  You are in man territory now, and…you really stick out here.
Alternate location: A Specialty Scotch/Whiskey Bar

THE SHOOTING RANGE
Alright, many of you will take exception to this. How dare you suggest I take up a violent hobby!  Handguns hurt more people than they help! If this is your instant reaction then I respect it, this is America, you can be red or blue, and you can move on.  But if you’re intrigued, keep reading.  Shooting a handgun can be an empowering enterprise, especially if you are learning safety basics and also maybe actually learning how to aim.  You might feel that pullback and hear the loud crack – and just feel a little bit more brave about everything.  Sure you won’t meet the man of your dreams at the shooting range (some women might, they’re euphemistically called “badge bunnies”), but you might gain confidence that will help you out in the other man-centric arenas of your life.
Alternate location: Golf Driving Range (not as explosive though)

A DAY AT COMICON
Ha, you’re kidding right? Yes, just a little, but again, just like with the other locations, I am mostly asking you to exhibit a bit of curiosity here.  What exactly DO the nerd boys of the world DO at Comicon?  Is it just one giant Star Wars communal wank-off? Yes and no. The sweet nerdy guys of the world also read manga as well as alternate press comics, and are just plain old into movies.  There is a good allotment of them that are indeed, the average lonely smelly nerd – but there are sensitive types lurking about.  The kind that draw really lovely pictures of girls they can never talk to in their notebooks. Wannabe filmmakers and writers.  Genuinely funny guys that draw their own webcomics. They are sprinkled throughout that unappealing herd – and you may not find them, but you’ve explored their milieu, and now you have something to discuss with them.
Alternate location: An Art Supplies Store or Camera Shop

THE BIKE SHOP
The Zero MPG craze has probably landed pretty hard in your city, and I’ve seen many a lovely lean hipster boy balancing delicately on his pedals at a red light.  That appealing few inches of forbidden skin he’s showing you as he easily whizzes past you in traffic should set your heart racing.  Don’t let the menfolk hog up the glory of using no fossil fuels and losing weight – we have to get more women in the bike lane and even up the score a little.  You could also take advantage of the current gender bias and chase a fine fellow or two up your boulevards.  Go down to the bike shop and start looking for a new pair of wheels.
Alternate location: an urban cycling group, such as Critical Mass.

Good luck ladies. Remember, be curious, be informed – and get the hell out of that Sephora for a few minutes.