I love the Twilight Zone. Whenever a marathon happens on Syfy, I tune in and watch straight through even if I’ve seen the episodes a dozen times or more. While working the other day, I sat through one of these treasured marathons, and got to see one of my favorite episodes: “Number 12 Looks Just Like You.” If you’re not familiar with the episode, it was the start of a philosophical questioning on plastic surgery, beauty and individuality.
The main character in the show was a young girl preparing for her right of passage in a futuristic world: plastic surgery to become beautiful like everyone else in society. With a handful of pre-chosen models to pick from, Marilyn struggles against society’s insistence that beauty is predefined. She tells the psychiatrist her mother takes her to see that it is impossible to gauge beauty if there is nothing unseemly to compare it to. Its almost as if writer, John Tomerlin, had a crystal ball peering straight into today’s society.
Plastic surgery is all the rage. From simple procedures like botox and acid peels to all-out appearance alteration like nose jobs, breast implants and face lifts, we can pretty much walk into a plastic surgeon’s office with an envelope full of cash and a photograph of Pam Anderson and come out looking exactly like her.
Not that I would want to look like Pamela Anderson, but I know a lot of women who would kill to look like that. The funny thing is, I saw pictures of Pam Anderson in Playboy a long time ago. Pictures from before she had all that plastic surgery, and she was a beautiful girl. I had to ask myself, “Did her mother ever tell her that?” Even if she did, thanks to the media, we as mothers have very little influence over how our daughters define beauty, and that makes me sad.
I don’t know if I ever mentioned it in my column here, but my daughter is interested in modeling. At 5′7″ and still growing, she’s got a metabolism I envy and a great smile. She photographs well, but has a unique look and style all her own that she would never compromise to sell a piece of clothing. That makes me happier than you could possible imagine, because with popular role models like Heidi Montag confusing girls by telling them “true beauty is within,” then spending hours under the knife to improve her personal image, it’s no wonder girls are confused.
I didn’t believe my mom when I was a teenager, and she told me that inner-beauty was what really mattered. With less-than-straight teeth and Amazonian bones that made it impossible for me to ever fit into anything smaller than a size 10, I never felt beautiful. I envied those girls who could pull off a bikini, their jutting hip bones nearly popping through their skin as they paraded around the pool. Even though I didn’t believe my mom about that whole inner-beauty thing, I knew I had to exercise my inner-assets to get attention. I developed my humor, put my pen to paper and let the beauty inside of me come out.
Maybe I didn’t get asked to the prom by the captain of the football team, or taken to the movies by the most popular guy in school, but those guys were so superficial, and I knew that. Sure, I daydreamed about how nice it would be popular and society-standard beautiful, who didn’t. I also knew that in order to be a part of that crowd, I’d have to become someone I was not. I’d have to compromise my ideals and my personality, two things I was not willing to sacrifice for a hot seat at the head lunch table.
I tell my daughter every day how beautiful she is, how talented and unique she is because I want her to be an individual. I don’t want her to walk into the factory when she turns nineteen to choose a standard model of beauty to adhere to. There’s a part of me that hopes the women of my generation feel the same way, and teach their daughters about individuality, inner-beauty and how to exercise the gifts that they was born with to make their mark on the world. Then there’s hope this current obsession with becoming someone we aren’t dies out, and a world filled with individuals will be born anew.
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Comments
Crystal Arcand (3Stairs)
February 9th, 2010 - 6:53:25 PM
You are Teh Awesome and you are bee-yoo-tee-full!!
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Laura
February 9th, 2010 - 7:51:35 PM
I distinctly remember being 12-13, and realizing I would never be "beautiful". And deciding that I would be "sexy" instead. LOL. All I ever accomplished was a sheen of sleeze. My DD is beautiful, but we work at not defining herself by that. Still, when watching Idol for example, she roots for "her, because she's pretty". Ugh. It's always a struggle.
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Helen E. H. Madden
February 10th, 2010 - 5:56:45 PM
I agree with everything you say here, wholeheartedly. I've been where you were as a teen and I'm at where you're at now as the mom of two girls. But I cannot get over the irony of the fact that all the ads below your post are for plastic surgery clinics. Ouch!
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James Melzer
February 11th, 2010 - 5:58:38 AM
It's good that you try and instill the value of beauty coming from within in her, because the last thing we need is another clown-faced teenager walking around thinking she's "all that."
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Melinda
February 12th, 2010 - 4:37:03 AM
While I agree we should instill confidence in our children I think it's unfair to tell them that inner beauty is all that counts. That's not the only beauty that counts. We can fool ourselves and our children into thinking that but it's not true. I know this isn't the 'PC' thing to say and I'm sure many of you will disagree outwardly but we all know the truth no matter how deep down we have to go to look for it. I also think beauty IS in the eye of the beholder and I think my children are beautiful. That doesn't mean that everyone else does. I don't think everyone is beautiful. Some are beautiful on the inside and some outside and some are ugly in every imaginable way. It's a fact of life.
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Jennifer Hudock
February 12th, 2010 - 4:47:24 AM
I don't disagree, Melinda, and I don't think inner-beauty is all that counts. What I don't like is unnecessary body modification to become something we aren't. There are people who would disagree, that if we weren't meant to modify our bodies with breast implants and collagen and botox, we would never have discovered the ability to do so. The closet hanger look made popular by the fashion industry and media has driven so many teens to eating disorders and even suicide because they are afraid they can't live up to the standards popular trends dictate. Eating disorders are ugly. Seeing a fifteen year old girl who weighs 80 lbs at 5'9" because she is afraid to gain weight is tragic. You're absolutely right that not everyone is beautiful, and everyone's tastes are different. But it does sadden me as a mother that the potential danger for self-image destruction lies in the hands of Hollywood actors, models and media.
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Anthony aka: BeanChef
February 12th, 2010 - 8:19:14 PM
I would disagree with Melinda in that not everyone is beautiful. While a lot of people may not be pleasing to look at or all that striking (meaning the first person people notice when walking into a room), but ALL people ARE beautiful. It's just that most of the time my/our own selfishness gets in the way of seeing it. Beauty, or Inner Beauty, can also be thought of as confidence in one's self. I've seen this evidenced in more than one friend. I always thought she was pretty, but she battled self image/worth issues all her life. On the days she was feeling good about herself- "uh,,,,WOW,,Va Va Va Voom you're HOT!" type of thoughts came to my mind and she looked downright hawt. If a person doesn't think of themselves as beautiful, how is anyone else supposed to. OR If a person feels they are *Ugly*, does it really matter what another thinks about them or their looks? I do agree that it is so sad that so many little girls have let the mass media determine what the acceptable level of beauty is instead of each individual person believing in themselves, their own worth, and their intrinsic beauty & value. And finally, Mom/Jennifer, (hoping this doesn't come across as creepy)I've only seen one picture of your daughter, but I think she is beautiful, and can only continue to get more so as she has birthdays. I had the wonderful chance to babysit a friend's kids. The oldest, a girl, was 11yoa when I moved away. I could already tell she was going to be gorgeous when she got older. I was able to go back for her HS graduation, and WOW!!! She had become even more beautiful. And she has gotten even more so in the 8 years since. Jenny, I commend you for saying that to daughter every day. I know my parents quite often told me they loved me and that I was handsome. While I thought it was a total crock at the time (& still have a hard time believing it at times), the fact that they said it so often caused me to hold in to that in some of my more darker moments. That to say, that while she may not place much stock in your saying she is beautiful at this time, it will go extremely far in the future to help carry her through the tough times that will come.
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