Maybe it’s hereditary; boy craziness, I mean. I remember from the time I turned ten on through my teen years, my mother was constantly complaining about how boy crazy I was. It seemed I couldn’t do or say anything unless it had to do with some incredibly hot rock star, or some guy I met at the mall. She even cursed me at one point, saying, “I hope when you grow up you have a daughter just like you so you can see just what you put me through.”
Needless to say, Mom’s curse worked. My daughter is just as, if not more, boy crazy than I ever was at her age. In reflection, relationships during that critical part of your teen years are incredibly unhealthy. I’ve seen it in my daughter’s friends, and was unfortunate enough over the summer to see my own daughter go through it when she thought she was in love. Like real love, not the phony emotion she had for the Jonas Brothers, or Pete Wentz. Love.
When you’re that age, relationships are a status symbol. The stereotype is boys in the locker room talking about how far they’ve gone with girls, an act to make themselves look mature, experienced and cool among their fellow boys. Girls are no different. They share details about the romantic things their boyfriends do, the things he says and once they become intimate, a lot of girls tell-all in details that would probably make the boys in the locker room blush if they were listening in.
Being in love is like a drug. Psychological studies have shown that chemicals released in the brain when you are in love are equivalent to the chemical imbalance known as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Girls become downright obsessive when they’re “in love” and want to do nothing else but spend every waking moment with their boyfriend. I’ve seen friendships dissolve over love, when a girl becomes so wrapped up in her beau she refuses to make time for her friends for fear her boyfriend will grow distracted and move on.
Balancing this emotional disaster is not easy. Everyone wants to feel loved, especially during those difficult teen years when your hormones are out of control and you feel so insecure. Parental love is still important, but it doesn’t cut it anymore. As many teens grow closer to liberation day (aka, their 18th birthday,) it’s as though they want to prove to themselves that after leaving home they can still feel loved and cared for.
I’m not sure what I can say to her sometimes. It’s a natural process, but at the same time I want her to be strong and independent. I want her to know that she can make a life for herself without having to depend on another human being to make her feel complete. On the other hand, I am incredibly romantic. I believe in true love and soul mates, and a part of me wants her to know the kind of joy and happiness I have experienced in my own life, especially with the man I am preparing to marry this October.
Are teen girl’s emotionally equipped to experience real romantic love? I know a lot of adult women who can barely handle the true intensity of love, and bounce from relationship to relationship looking for something to complete them. With many popular teen televisions shows and films and young adult literature pushing the idea of teens and love, it’s no wonder so many of them approach it with starry eyes and a heart filled with fluffy dreams.
Love is not something fleeting, like so many boy crazy obsessions seem to be. Love goes beyond the emotional and physical and becomes something almost spiritual. Explaining this to my daughter hasn’t been easy, and most days I have no idea if she even understands what I’m talking about. As with every important life lesson, I can only truly influence her by setting an empowered example.
Talk about pressure. Setting a good example is truly one of the most difficult aspects of parenting because no matter how old your children are, they watch everything you do. In your independent frame of mind, you’ll definitely make mistakes, and your children will see those mistakes. The best you can hope for is that they recognize your mistakes and try to avoid them in their own endeavors. If you’ve done everything you can to raise intelligent, empathetic and thoughtful people, you’ll still worry about them, but they’ll make informed decisions, even when it comes to love.
Photo via Ted Szukalski
Boys are evil, keep your daughter away from them. :X haha, not really. Although I’m not necessarily sure what to say in regards to this article, I do want to commend you on being so honest and open with what’s going on in your life (and especially with your daughter.) There are times I wish in a more open area, if only to help me experience all this teen stuff that I have no idea about, but I don’t take for granted anything I’ve gone through. You can only live and learn from your experiences.
Having met my DH at 15, and been together since, it is hard for me to know what my DD will go through. I’d had one “bf” in grade 8 but that definitely a status thing, as you pointed out Jenny. I just keep reinforcing to my DD that she can’t count on marrying the first boy she dates. Yikes.