Un-Classy: A Short Primer

You would think in this graceful Michelle Obama era of ours, American womanhood would shape up a little.  But nooooooo some people can’t keep it together.  Here are three recent stories and three lessons from the gossip arena that prove that SOME PEOPLE could use a thwack across the knuckles with a classy stick.

1. Do 10 Plastic Surgery Procedures in 1 Day, then Publicly Wish For More

Photo via People
Nothing says “emulate and follow my example, young women of the world”, like having 10 plastic surgeries in one day, and then just wishing you could have some more.  Also, another way to be classy as hell? Use the word ‘boobs’.

“And I love my boobs but I still want to improve. … I didn’t get them as big as I originally wanted.”

For some arbitrary reason, when girls use the word ‘boobs’ it makes me angry. That’s a stupid boys’ word for our lovely mammaries of delight (see, that’s how you talk about them). Heidi, keep having plastic surgeries and eventually you’re going to look like a Picasso.  Hmm, wait, Picasso is a highbrow reference, maybe it wouldn’t be a bad thing?

2. Eat Disgusting Food Openly on Valentine’s Day

Photo via Source
I know, I know, I’m being mean, Spears just loves her junk food and her new Boo just wants her to be happy. Well no, sorry!  Have you read Michael Pollan’s book The Omnivore’s Dilemma?  He dedicates a decent chunk of it to tracing the origins of one meal his family eats at McDonald’s.  You’re basically eating corn corn corn corn corn. Corn. Even the chicken is made of corn. But come on, Brits!  L.A. is full of wonderful, romantic eateries to choose from.  Status: Uninformed, lazy, and decidedly un-elegant.

3. Just Act Like Paris Hilton

Photo via ParisHilton.com
Oooh, an un-classy classic!  Paris, we miss your drunken shenanigans. No, wait, we don’t. Not at all. That’s right. Yet here you are, showing us your thong again while hosting a promo party for a Brazilian beer brand. What is this, 2003?  You’re a 2 trick pony, sister, and nobody wants to see your first trick (*cough*sex tape*cough cough*) ever again.

I bet you hate me for hating on Britney, huh? Pour your rage out in the comments. I will drink it all down like cold Brazilian beer, but I won’t be showin’ you no thong-age.