Single Girl Dating Diaries: Vacation Sex

By Dani on February 18th, 2010

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I am a recent transplant to Los Angeles via New York City. I moved here with pretty much nothing. No steady job, place to live, or car. Just two suitcases and my cat Mariska. It’s only been a few months and I am already starting to get on my feet. Whether it’s from busting my ass or just plain luck, I have been able to acquire most of what I need with the exception of one thing; the loss of great friends. By friends, I mean those that I had acquired and selected over 10 years of New York City living. People who are quite hard to come by.

What did however manage to slip my mind was the loss of access to other kinds of “friends,” ex-boyfriends and ex-flings, a stable rotation of boys for those lonely nights. It dawned on me one day when I realized that I had been in LA eight weeks with no sex. I mean, not even so much as a make out session. A panic set in. In my opinion, nothing is worse than sex with randoms. 99% of the time it’s downright terrible and the other 1% of the time it’s good, but then comes that unavoidable attachment to an emotionally unavailable stranger. Although my way of thinking may be co-dependent, there is security in knowing where your next fix will be available. (Keeping around old lovers for when it’s time to get down to business.)

One of my newly acquired LA friends Chase had Jamie, an East Coast friend, staying with him for his birthday. Over dinner the chemistry between us became apparent. We had nothing in common except a mutual friend and a love for the tri-state area. There was zero chance of becoming attached on my end. Though he was sweet and affectionate, Jamie was like a 16-year-old pot head with ADHD stuck in a 27-year-old man’s body. Nonetheless, I saw this connection as the perfect opportunity to end my dry spell and after dinner, we went to Chase’s house for a night cap. We waited impatiently for him to go to bed and then began making out feverishly on my poor friend’s couch.  After the mortifying thought of getting caught, we decided to head to my place.

We had sex. It had all the awkward fumbling of two people who barely know one another. It wasn’t bad. It wasn’t great. It was sufficient.

The next morning, Jamie didn’t jet faster than lightning and he didn’t overcompensate by pretending our night together was something more. We simply got dressed, went to brunch, had some mimosas and then decided to drive out to Malibu for the day where we stayed to watch the sunset. He was in town for the week, and rather organically he became my boyfriend for the duration of his stay. We went to movies, shopping and sightseeing around a city that was unfamiliar to the both of us. I was not upset when he didn’t call the day he left. I realized that I was his vacation sex.

Vacation sex is an experience with which I am very familiar. My first vacation sex was a few years back and the catalyst to my ending a four year old relationship that had become completely loveless. Without that experience, I would probably still be with my ex and living in New York. I realized vacation sex can be transcendent and life-altering. If you are a girl who knows better, you realize off the bat that a deeper relationship should not be explored. It’s about the here and now and living in the moment. With vacation sex, you can be as emotionally vulnerable as you want with your temporary lover. It’s for fun so have some! Just be certain your fling is at a far enough distance or else you may catch yourself contemplating a deeper relationship. 2,780.82 miles will do me just fine.