This Single Girl’s New Motto: Just Say No
In the past few months of being officially single, I’ve gone from a too-serious relationship, to a friend with benefits, to a random hook-up with a guy I didn’t even like. One would think that various booty from a man buffet would be exactly what this self-proclaimed Samantha would be excited about.
But lately I’ve been feeling less a Samantha and more a Carrie. Guess who I have to thank for this slight transformation? Lauryn Hill. I was driving home listening to my “Amelie is 16″ playlist and “Doo Wop” came on. While I was singing the lyrics, a few versus struck me.
“Don’t be a hard rock when you really are a gem. Babygirl, respect is just a minimum.”
And it hit me. I haven’t been giving myself–body, mind and soul–the respect it deserves. I don’t have to play this too-cool-for-a-boyfriend hook-up artist if I’m not in to it. And there’s the problem: I’m just not in to it anymore. My last sex-capade with a man I wasn’t even attracted to has left me feeling pretty low. Girls who sleep with guys they don’t even like are called sluts. That’s exactly how I feel.
So now I’m following Ms. Hill’s advice and giving myself the minimum–a good dose of self-respect. From here on, I won’t be saying yes to every date I get asked on. And I certainly am not sleeping with someone I don’t have strong feelings for. I’m not saying I have to be in love, but I at least have to be in like to give up the goods.
In the meantime, as I enter Samantha recovery and try to move more in to a Carrie or maybe even Miranda state of mind, I have to be proactive. The problem is I do like sex and I crave attention. So I devised a three-step plan to keep me on the straight and narrow.
1. Go for batteries. Yep, I bought my first-ever adult toy. It wasn’t nearly as embarrassing as I thought it would be. Naturally, I told the kind lady at Ambiance that it was for a friend, but she smiled and helped me to a waterproof Rabbit. This will definitely keep me satisfied in my time of abstinence. (Seriously girls, go out and buy one, it’s amazing.)
2. Real dates only. I refuse to meet a guy at a bar for drinks or engage in behavior conducive to one-night stands. If I meet a guy and we hit it off, he can ask me out some time for a real date. I honestly don’t think I’ve been on a real date where someone picks me up and takes me out since I divorced.
3. Just say no to old sex partners, old boyfriends, and men I’m just not that in to. This is a no-brainer, I realize, but harder for me to do than I thought. When I get lonely, I know one or two fall-back guys that will come over even just to watch a movie. Knowing that this inevitably will lead to more, I’m staying away from them entirely.
There’s the new rules, wish me luck!