In the human hunt for companionship, we are all bound to end up with a companion who doesn’t suit our every need, but is good enough for companionship. As we attempt to decipher whether it’s love, lust, or deep like, we often end up with a person for a long time who isn’t Mr. Right, but rather Mr. Right Now.
How can you tell whether the mate you have now is the one for you? How do you not fall into the trap of being in love with the idea of a partner rather than the person attached to that title? The following are some sure signs that you’re just settling, rather than taking a step to settle with a life partner.
1. You’re still daydreaming of an ex. When you’re wrapped up in your current mate’s arms, drifting off to sleep, do you find yourself really yearning or wishing for someone else? If the answer is yes, you are settling. Granted getting over an ex takes time, but if your current mate is the one to get you through that process, chances are he’s Mr. Please Tide Me Over Until I Get Over My Ex, not Mr. Right.
2. Less talking, more sex and sleeping. If you just want to cuddle and have sex with the person you’re currently with, it can be another warning sign. Do you want to experience new things with this person? Do you want to hear their thoughts, opinions, and future plans? If these conversations bore you or you don’t care what you do with your current mate, it’s a definite warning sign.
3. Date down much? I’m reminded of a John Cusack film , High Fidelity. In it, he dates Catherine Zeta Jones’ character and realizes she is out of his league. Intelligent people crave intelligent company. If you know that your current mate isn’t ambitious or intelligent, don’t try to convince yourself that these are qualities that don’t matter to you. You’re dating down. Life is far too short for such meaningless encounters, unless it means good sex. If it does, enjoy it while it lasts, but know it won’t.
The sure-fire way to avoid settling for someone who isn’t right for you requires two basic tools. Pen and paper. Write down the characteristics you want in a life partner. Be sure you’re writing characteristics that are independent of the person you are dating now.
When a potential long-term mate comes along, knowing what you want in advance of a relationship will mean you won’t be second-guessing whether you’re settling. And it’s okay if your life-partner characteristic list changes as relationships come and go. Life is about living and loving and learning from it.
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