My daughter has always been a little on the sensitive side. I pride myself on her empathy and sensitivity, and her ability to use her own feelings to help her relate to others so she wouldn’t find pleasure in their pain. The unfortunate thing is a lot of kids don’t get that, and I’m not sure why.
I imagine bullying has been an issue since the first two children were put in the same space together and told to play nice. Maybe one of the kids had more toys than the other, or cuter dimples. Maybe that kid’s father reaped a better crop of potatoes that harvest, making life a little easier on the family. In creeps jealousy, which leads to envy, and envy almost always turns sour.
In that festering emotion, vengeance lurks, eventually pushing the envious child to lash out, doing whatever it takes to bring the other kid down.
I admit, I don’t know how bullying works. As a kid, I was bullied by the farm kids who rode my school bus. They made fun of my clothes, my hair, my face and my family every single day, often threatening me with physical bodily harm. Over time their cruelty affected my confidence, making it difficult for me to feel comfortable around other kids. As I grew older, that same lack of confidence shut me off from doing a lot of things I might have liked to do because I was afraid of what others would think.
Today, I laugh at the whole time because I know that for whatever reason, those girls on the school bus felt insecure. Whether or not it had anything to do with me, I don’t know, but somehow targeting me with their insecurities made them feel better.
Having survived the educational system with a few scrapes and a bit of awareness, it wasn’t easy watching my own daughter get the same treatment once she entered into elementary school. Because her father and I encouraged her to be an individual and follow her own star, she often stood out from the other kids, which encouraged a few bullies to come out and make her miserable.
The mother in me, coupled with the bullied child inside me, wanted to lash out at the kids who made her feel bad. More than that, I wanted to throttle their parents. There is some theory that kids learn bullying behavior from their parents. Part of me thinks that aside from learning the behavior, relaxed parenting may actually be the culprit. Not knowing what your kids are doing gives them the freedom to run rampant, and while they’re running, they’re probably trampling over everyone they can just to get attention.
By nature, I am a people watcher, and as a parent, I’ve been subject to a lot of school events. From pre-school on through high school now, I’ve witnessed some pretty shoddy parenting. Kids running amock all over skating parties while moms schmoozed in the corner like they were at a high school reunion. When their kids were pushing and shoving, no one seemed to notice until someone got hurt, and then there was shock and appall, followed by “How the hell did that happen?”
The sad thing is, not paying attention when they’re young only encourages the behavior to continue when they’re older. Next thing you know tragedies like Columbine are the shock and appall, and no one knows how the hell it happened. Teenage girls commit suicide because they can’t cope with the cruelty stretching beyond school and into their Facebook, MySpace and personal blogs.
If we’re not paying attention, we won’t see our kids hurting. Even worse, we won’t see them when they’re hurting others. They grow up and enter into the world thinking it’s okay to hurt people to make themselves feel better. Pay attention to your kids. Take an active interest in what is going on in their every day lives, and protect them when you can. As a parent, it’s your greatest responsibility!
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