I am a student of successful marriages. If a couple has been together for thirty years or more, I can be found asking far-too personal questions regarding what makes the marriage work. After speaking with many couples who have successful marriages, they had some interesting pieces of advice I’m eager to share with you.
1. Choose love. You know that feeling when you could literally wring your partner’s neck? Or how about when you wish they’d just leave you alone? Successful couples acknowledge that they do have those feelings about their mate. But what makes them successful instead of murderous fighters? They choose love. Waking up and consciously making a decision to love your mate and reminding yourself of why you love him or her is one over-riding piece of advice from all the couples I have spoke with.
2. Sometimes it’s just luck. I’ll be honest, only one woman said this, but I still thought it was worth sharing. She and her husband had been married for 42 years and when I asked her what made it work, she responded, “I don’t know. I really think a lot of it has to do with luck.” People change. Who says the two of you will change together and change in ways each of you still loves? Although I’d like to think strong marriages don’t boil down to luck, I do think she made a valid point.
3. Give a little, take a little. We’ve all heard it before – compromise. Successful marriages seem to require a balance of selfishness and a willingness to give in at times. Somehow, the scale of taking and giving must balance out.
In spite of recognizing that good relationships can boil down to “luck” that the two of you will grow together over time, waking up each day and choosing to love your partner and giving and taking will help increase the odds that you can be the couple people ask how you make marriage work.
