One Direction’s Liam Payne Shaves His Head, is Now Bereft of Only Source of Power (PHOTO)
Super sad news, you guys. Allegedly so emotionally devastated by his breakup with Danielle Peazer, One Direction boy-bander Liam Payne has gone and shaved off his luscious locks.
Liam ended his long-term relationship with the model earlier this week. It ended for the same reason that so many celebrity relationships end: the pressures of fame and hectic touring schedules were simply too much for the couple to take.
That, and the fact that rabid (one might even say ‘brainwashed’ – we’ll come back to this later) One Direction fangirls don’t exactly appreciate it when their fantasy boyfriend is romantically attached. Apparently, fans have been harassing Danielle on Twitter for months.
So, Liam decided to express his inner anguish to the world through the only thing he understands: his hair.
Or at least, that’s what the mainstream media wants you to think.
Conspiracy theory time:
It is my belief that One Direction is not just some vapid boy band, but something much more sinister. In fact, the band is not made up of Liam, Niall Horan, Zayn Malik, Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson – but rather, five sentient heads of hair bent on world domination.
I mean, think about it: Harry Styles?! Nobody actually has that name. Somebody just got lazy when they were coming up with an identifier for the host body.
So, the sentient head of hair known as ‘Liam Payne’ was so devastated by the breakup (Danielle does have some pretty impressive hair, after all) that it committed suicide, leaving the empty shell of a host body to fend for itself. Look into those eyes – there’s nothing in there.
My prediction is that without a functioning fifth member the collective hive mind known as ‘One Direction’, the band’s otherworldly hit-making abilities will begin to falter. Realizing that their devious plan of controlling the world one pre-teen girl at a time will fail, the heads of hair will return to their home world and One Direction will go the way of 98 Degrees.
DISCUSS.
