Hulk Hogan Threatens to Sue Over Sex Tape
Let me get this out of the way: I have seen the Hulk Hogan sex tape (or at least the one minute of footage released by Gawker), and it is, as Gawker describes it, a “goddamn masterpiece”.
For those who can’t watch it or don’t care to destroy their own childhoods by watching a sad, old Hulk engaging in lackluster sex, I will give you the Cliff’s Notes:
The tape involves Hulk getting it on with a woman rumored to be his best friend’s wife, while his buddy is in the other room. The friend is frequently referenced, and is apparently aware of and cool with this. The friend, for whatever reason, goes by the handle DJ Bubba the Love Sponge, which certainly sheds some light on why he would be down with sharing his lady love with the Hulkster.
They do their thing, and it’s all pretty disappointing. The camera angle isn’t very flattering to the Hulk’s aging physique, and at one point, his phone rings – and the ringtone is a song by his daughter. It is very awkward.
When it’s all over, the 12-time world champion wrestler sits on the edge of the bed, appearing winded, and says, “I feel like I just got off a f**king rollercoaster. I’m out of breath.”
Then, after some small talk, he gives her a kiss and tells her to “be cool,” which is exactly what you’d expect Hulk Hogan to say to a woman after going all Hulkamania on her.
Unfortunately, the Hulkster is ready to run wild on Gawker and any other site that publishes the sex tape.
“This tape was made secretly without Hulk’s knowledge or permission,” Hulk’s lawyer, David R. Houston, said to TMZ. “We are going to do everything in our power to figure out who did it. Anyone displaying the tape will be held accountable to the fullest extent of the law.”
As of this writing, Gawker still has the tape up on the front page of their site.
While I’d never put it past a celebrity to orchestrate a stunt like this to jumpstart a dying career, if you watch the tape (which I highly recommend, although it is something you can never unsee), it does appear as though Hulk isn’t aware of the camera. In fact, the whole thing goes down like some sort of ‘transaction’, rather than a Kim Kardashian-style career-starter. It’s also, as I said earlier, not very flattering to the Hulk. That said, the whole thing still seems a little fishy.