Anya Wassenberg
Anya
Wassenberg
August 14, 2013

Dad’s Letter to Daughter About Having “Awesome Sex” Goes Viral


If your dad was like mine, his contribution to dating advice was more or less “Be home by 10:00pm” accompanied by a withering stare that said “or else…” without words. Sexual shenanigans weren’t spoken of directly; he didn’t have to mention them — the warning against them was implicit in the 10:00pm curfew and his oft-repeated “nothing good goes on after dark” maxim.

My dad was actually a step above the fathers of yesteryear, though, and their downright oppressive “advice” to their female offspring. In 1920, Isaac Gomez compiled literature he felt would help his daughter behave properly and wrote several pages of poetry about preserving her virginity, including this cautionary verse called “Maniac” about the dangers of sex before marriage:

See ! yon poor Maniac: shiv’ring in her cell,
With hair dishevell’d, and with bosom bare;
Once bless’d with innocence,
the hours roll’d on In glad succession.
Her cultur’d mind Was calm’and mild as summer ev’nings are,
Till in her soul convulsing passions strove,
And rais’d a dark and wild tornado there…

What’s a girl to do when she just can’t wait for the wild tornado to start?

Ferrett Steinmetz, author of Dear Daughter: I Hope You Have Fucking Awesome Sex

Credit: Ferrett Steinmetz

Thank goodness for modern dads like Ferrett Steinmetz, whose essay called “Dear Daughter: I Hope You Have Some Fucking Awesome Sex” has gone viral this week. In it, Steinmetz says he was inspired by reading a post on FetLife (which, oddly, is a BDSM and kink community website) called “10 Rules For Dating My Daughter,” containing the usual “touch my daughter and you die” BS.

From Steinmetz’ essay:

Look, I love sex. It’s fun. And because I love my daughter, I want her to have all of the same delights in life that I do, and hopefully more. I don’t want to hear about the fine details because, heck, I don’t want those visuals any more than my daughter wants mine. But in the abstract, darling, go out and play.

Because consensual sex isn’t something that men take from you; it’s something you give. It doesn’t lessen you to give someone else pleasure. It doesn’t degrade you to have some of your own. And anyone who implies otherwise is a man who probably thinks very poorly of women underneath the surface.

From a kinkster website that doesn’t like the idea of kids getting kinky to a writer-dad who actually wants his daughter to have great sex — maybe someday everyone will be able to have reasonable discussions, even with their daughters, about doing the deed. In the meantime we can applaud Ferrett and his obviously awesome relationship to his own kin. I can’t help but think I would have saved myself a lot of time and heartache if I’d had someone to help me out rather than lock me in. Let’s hope it catches on.