Vinack Family Chicken Soup

• 1 lb carrots
• 1 bunch celery (leafy; the more and darker the leaves the better)
• 3 good-sized chicken legs (thigh & drumstick) with skin on (the yellower and fattier the better)
• 1 tbsp salt

Lay down chicken legs at the bottom of a large pot. Fill with water to 1-2 inches below the rim. Boil on medium-high heat.

Peel carrots and chop into 1/2″ pieces. Put into pot.

Cut leafy tops off celery and put into pot. Cut remainder of celery stalks into 1/2″ pieces and put into pot.

Once the water starts to boil, ‘dirty’ foam will rise to the top of the water. Skim it off with a skimmer.

Reduce heat to low, cover pot, and simmer for 5 hours. Check it periodically to make sure water isn’t too still (turn up heat slightly) or too low (turn down heat slightly and add more water). Add the salt.

Remove celery leaves. Ladle broth and veggies into bowls. Remove skin and bones from the chicken. Add the remaining pieces of chicken meat to bowls, too.

You can also incorporate onions into this recipe (with the carrots & celery). For non-Passover times, you can include egg noodles. Cook them according to package instructions, drain, and put into each soup bowl when ready to serve. Do not put/leave noodles into the pot – the starch from the noodles will mess up the soup.

Keep the remainder in the fridge or freeze for future use. Enjoy!

Also, for a Passover-friendly dessert, check out the Toffee Bark recipe. Just substitute matzoh instead of Graham crackers and bam! Delicious.

That is to say, she paid someone to adorn her crotch with Swarovski crystals. I reacted as any sane person would: horror. Then I promptly forwarded the clip to everyone I knew so we could all laugh about it.

Fast forward a month and I see this article by Bryce Gruber on The Luxury Spot, a website written by “fun-loving, posh New Yorkers with a penchant for better living.” My friend sends it to me in an IM with an “OMG” attached to it. As in, OMG this chick is crazy.

Gruber did the guinea pig thing and had herself vajazzled so she could write about it for the website. Not only that, but she HAD PICTURES TAKEN OF HERSELF WHILE IT WAS HAPPENING.

Now, to her credit, the pictures are really artfully done and cropped. This is my way of saying “you don’t see labia.” So kudos photographer. But still, this chick has balls. Or not. I mean, you can see from the photos of her lying on the vajazzling table that the one thing she doesn’t have is balls. But you get my point.

After getting over my shock at Gruber’s moxie — you wouldn’t catch me holding my pants open for a camera, but she looks so good and normal doing it! — I had another unexpected emotion: that shit looks good.

I mean, you think it’s going to be the sort of thing insane people with too much money and time on their hands think they should do. But then you see it and it’s really cute.

I think it’s clear I have lived in Los Angeles too long when I think that bedazzling your vajayjay seems totally reasonable and cute, but it does. Like, maybe not something I would do all the time, but possibly a fun Valentine’s Day surprise maybe?

Am I crazy? I don’t think so. I mean, I’m sure it’s going to be a fad, it’s a little too extravagant and silly to last longer than the macarena, but still. I’m going to step out and say it here: I think vajazzling is going to catch on. It’s kind of too cute not to.

Take a look. What do you think?

Photo via Source

My Top Ten Pick

10. Janeane Garofalo

Hard to believe she’s been around for such a long while, but her biting wit is still awesome–as seen in this new little gem.

9. Jon Stewart

You love him on The Daily Show for a good reason. And he also does stand up gigs. Yes!

8. Daniel Tosh

Okay, I haven’t actually seen him do stand up, but his show, Tosh.0, basically has a lot of his stand up type stuff in it, from which I have high hopes. Am very much wanting to catch a set of his when he’s on taping hiatus.

7. Aziz Ansari

I thought Aziz’s character, Tom Haverford, on Parks & Recreation was half funny and half annoying, but I decided to catch his stand up special, Intimate Moments for a Sensual Evening, on Comedy Central recently, and I am a total convert. This dude is hilarious. Love him. Check it out!

6. Dave Chappelle

Okay, he’s elusive after the whole Chappelle’s Show-suddenly-over-going-to-Africa-meltdown thing. But he does periodically still do tours, and when he does, damn.

5. Margaret Cho

When I saw Margaret Cho do stand up she was so funny that I got a urinary tract infection. Well, that might not be why I got the UTI, but she’s still great. Oh, I love when she impersonates her mother.

4. Aisha Tyler

Aisha Tyler does a lot of acting these days, but don’t let that fool you. She is one good stand up. And that bitch is tall, too.

3. Kathy Griffin

I love her on My Life on The D List, and I love her more doing stand up. Luckily, she works a lot, so she’s pretty easy to catch on tour.

2. John Oliver

Like most people, I know John Oliver as a correspondent on The Daily Show. But he has recently started hosting John Oliver’s New York Stand-Up Show on Comedy Central, for which he does the opening set. New stuff every time and really, really funny. I’m super into seeing him the next time he’s doing dates here.

1. Eddie Izzard

My favorite British transvestite comedian of them all. And not just because he loves badgers. And jam.

(Photo Via: Gaelen Hadletand Collider)

It’s hard. When packing time comes around I fall in love with all my clothes, I imagine the pictures that I am going to be taking. What should I be wearing? What if the weather goes crazy?

That said, I am going to Guatemala shortly for a little warm-weather adventure travel vacation, and I want to try to pack light for once. I solicited some advice from my best friend, a seasoned traveler who did six weeks in Japan, China, Nepal and India two summers ago with just one bag. This is the same friend who once had to push me up a hill in Edinburgh when we were backpacking around Europe because, of course, my pack was too heavy.

So I’m going to listen to her, and take a stab at being a low-maintenance traveler. And this is what she says:

• Underwear: 5 pairs (to be washed for re-use in hotel sink or by hotel laundry)
• Socks: at least 5 pairs (hiking in rainy climates = don’t skimp on socks)
• Bras: 2 (+ a jogging bra if you might exercise)
• Pants: 2
• Yoga pants: 1 (can double as hiking pants or pajama pants)
• Comfy travel skirt (or shorts): 1 (skirt is helpful if you are going to a country with squat toilets)
• T-shirts: 3
• Long sleeved t-shirt/thermal: 1
• Thin cashmere sweater: 1 (cashmere = most warmth/packing space)
• PJs: 1 pair (tank top + cotton pants because you can wear the tank as clothes in a pinch)
• Hoodie or Fleece: 1
• Travel raincoat: 1 (if it might rain where you are going)
• Dress: 1
• Bathing suit: 1
• Towel: 1 (but only a travel towel. Swimming towels can be bought there or provided by hotel.)
• Hiking shoes/sneakers: 1
• Flats/sandals: 1 (something that you can wear with pants, skirt AND dress.)
• Flip flops: 1

Other items to bring with: suntan lotion, mini flashlight, Imodium/Tums, Advil, travel first aid kit, Benadryl, insect repellent, contact solution, feminine products, travel toilet paper, hand sanitizer (bring back up bottle), wet naps (single packets), photocopy of your passport (and email yourself a scanned copy), a copy of your glasses prescription (in case you lose your glasses). Although re: these various items, if you can buy them there, you can also do that.

This is what Tracie got by on for her six weeks in Asia, so this should be more than enough for a 10-day stint to Central America. I will admit that having a list to which I should constrain myself helps a lot, as is the freedom of realizing you can do your laundry in the hotel.

But I am already chafing at the only three t-shirts and one pair of shorts or skirt. I am going to have to pad these requirements at least a little. Will I survive?

I couldn’t have been more wrong though. Green Jell-O Salad may sound questionable, and it may look crazy, but it is delicious. It’s tart and tangy and fluffy and fun. And being that it is quite green, it is clearly perfect for St. Patrick’s Day.

Green Jell-O Salad

2 cups pineapple juice
1 large box lime Jell-O
1 large box lemon Jell-O
1 cup chopped walnuts
1 cup cottage cheese
1 cup mayonnaise
2 cups crushed pineapple
2 very cold cups evaporated milk

Chill large bowl and beaters. Put evaporated milk in a large bowl in the freezer for about 30 minutes to chill.

Heat pineapple juice and dissolve jello.

Combine and mix nuts, cottage cheese, mayo and pineapple. Mix juice/jello mix and cottage cheese mixture.

Beat evaporated milk with chilled beaters until stiff and milk peaks. Fold other ingredients in.

Chill overnight in refrigerator, or a couple of hours until firm.

In High on Arrival, teen star and daughter of The Mamas and Papas singer John Phillips, MacKenzie Phillips gives us her story–what it was like being in American Grafitti and on One Day at a Time, what it was like being raised one of the biggest stars and drug addicts of her generation, and what it was like becoming a raging drug addict herself.

What I learned is it is every bit as insane as you would expect. So insane, in fact, that it seems she couldn’t write about it coherently. Which I guess might be what happens if you spend the better part of your existence shooting coke?

Also, seriously, who actually shoots coke? Jeez.

The thing about this is, you sort of know the whole family is fucked up and in a world of drugs and excess. So it’s exciting to really see the curtain pulled back and hear about it. And it was crazy. I mean, she did more drugs than are humanly imaginable and her father had sex with her and she was raped and kidnapped and good lord knows what else.

And yet, she managed to make it a boring read. So boring that I was skimming for the good bits. She basically just likes to yap and yap, more interested in rationalizing who did what and why or berating herself for her crappy behavior. That might be well and good in therapy, but in a memoir you need some narrative structure, to tell us stories, to make it hang together and build and make sense.

This doesn’t do any of that. It’s is all “I shot this” and then “I smoked that” and “Hey I wore this funky green suede shawl,” jumping back and forth and all over the place in time, so the effect is scattered, overwhelming, and boring. Basically the narrative reads like she was still on coke as she wrote it, jumping over-enthusiastically and over-grandiosely from topic to topic without finishing anything up. Her marriage breaks up, but she doesn’t explore that relationship, it’s just at some point she’s like, “We weren’t getting along.” Is it that she doesn’t understand what makes her story interesting? That the exact brand of heroin and that your friends were really nice friends and what your cat’s name was doesn’t matter as much as the relationships? I don’t know.

What I do know is there’s a good story in there, she just needed a ghost writer or an editor. Or both. She might be a lovely nice person who has had a hard, messed up life, she might even be a decent actress and singer, but a writer she is not. Maybe she should have read Russel Brand’s memoir to learn how to write a celeb addiction story.

Disappointing.

The Ricky Gervais Show, as it’s now called, is a half-hour animated series on HBO. Just like the podcast, it stars him, Stephen Merchant and Karl Pilkington talking about things. Just like the podcast, this mostly means that it features Ricky and Stephen introducing topics and then Karl waxing insane about them, which prompts them to laugh at him.

That the recently AWOL podcast was returning in any form was extremely exciting to me. I loved the podcast, and I bought the Ricky Gervais Guide to… audiobook series that spun off from it.

The HBO series, however, is a disappointment. And this is because it is basically the exact same thing as the podcast. Which is to say, it’s great to listen to, but not great to watch.

Still, they didn’t mess with the winning formula, which is these three guys talking, and they tried to jazz it up for the visual media by animating it, which allows them to show animations action out the scenarios they discuss (instead of just three animated guys sitting around the microphones).

It’s a valiant attempt, for sure, but regardless, it’s just not fun to watch. Like I just said, the show is almost exactly the same as the podcast–just these three guys (two smart, one insane) sitting around and talking about different topics, which is super interesting–to listen to. But no amount of animating it and acting it out makes this a good visual format for TV.

I understand why they did it–trying to take it to TV is more exposure, more money, surely. A tried and true medium. But unfortunately, what make these guys good to listen to is precisely what makes it dull to watch. And I am left wishing I could just get audio copies of the shows to hook up to my iPod to listen to like the good old days.

I am a big Nick Hornby fan, although I haven’t liked any of his books as much as the first of his I read (High Fidelity), but this one is one of his best of recent years. It’s about an English couple, Duncan & Annie, one of whom (Duncan) is the king fan of reclusive former American rocker Tucker Crowe, and how their lives intersect. Juliet, Naked is the newest book by British author Nick Hornby (High Fidelity, Fever Pitch). It’s about a middle-aged English couple–Duncan & Annie–who live in a tiny, dead-end seaside town. Duncan is an obsessive fan of reclusive former American rocker Tucker Crowe, the self-appointed chieftain of Crowe’s fan domain online. Their lives start to intersect when Annie posts a scathing review of some old, rough recordings of Crowe’s major album that have come to the surface (much to the uncontained glee of Tucker Crowe-ologists like Duncan), and Tucker emails her about it.

I first read High Fidelity about 10 years ago, and loved it. And while I haven’t loved any of Hornby’s books as much as that first one, I always find his writing style so easy-going, engaging and accessible that I always rush out to read his newest. Juliet, Naked is one of the best in recent years.

You slip into Juliet, Naked, its stories and its characters like they’re old friends, even though the truth is you never met them before. The narrative perspective shifts often–from Duncan to Annie to Tucker–which can be one of my least favorite things. (I tend to find it jarring–you’ve gotten on board with Person A and now all of a sudden you have to shift gears and learn about Person B?) But Hornby is so talented, and does it with such ease, that it’s no problem to go from one character to the next.  It’s just different people picking up the thread to continue the same story, and it compliments it, showing it from different perspectives.

In the end, Juliet, Naked is a nice easy piece of thoroughly modern fiction. Nothing earth-shattering, it didn’t change my life, and I would have liked a little more of the story before it ended, but still quite good.

Photo via Nickhornby.com

As seen on this lovely clip at The Huffington Post, Pauly D, Snooki and The Situation recently appeared on The View, where they were asked very pointedly about their sex lives by Joy Behar. Specifically, whether they use condoms–in general AND in the infamous hot tub.

They giggled at first, but then claimed with as straight a face as possible that they all use protection. Let’s all hope they are telling the truth. Although, I suppose, even if they aren’t, kudos to them for towing the safe sex line.

Re: the hot tub, you can hear Behar saying, “Because it could slip off,” of the condoms they would use in there–which is almost as horrifying as it is hilarious. At this point, the Jersey Shore-ites profess that the hot water in the hot tub provides all the birth control and/or de-germifying they need.

Which is gross enough, but then Sherri Sherpard backs them up on it! I don’t even know what to say. I mean, jokes about the foul miasma that must be in that hot tub have abounded since the show started; somehow I was hoping to not have those jokes so openly confirmed.

Also: Can someone please explain to me what the hell is going on with Whoopi’s hat? And why Elisabeth Hasselbeck won’t shut the hell up?

My husband, however, is a fan. Somehow this escaped me with previous Olympics, but this time around I am keenly aware of his feelings. We were away for the weekend and whereas he usually doesn’t want the TV on, he was dialing it to the Olympics every time we were back in the hotel room.

And then complaining about them.

Getting the exclusive contract to air the Olympics is a big deal for any network, and this time around it has gone to NBC. And it seems NBC isn’t doing a great job.

1. They’re not really showing any Olympics. It’s not as though they don’t have enough competitions to show. There are competitions going on all the time. They’re just choosing not to show most of them in favor of this other programming. Sort of like MTV eliminating all the actual music videos in favor of Rob & Big Eat Porn Burgers or whatever they are showing.

2. They are showing lots of Olympic-themed segments instead. Every time you turn on the channel, they’ve got someone looking uncomfortable in their chairs by the fire set up doing an interview or they’re doing a man-in-crowd weather report or a segment on the wonders of Canada. What they aren’t doing is showing the actual competitions. And even I know that the Olympics are about the competitions.

3. The few things they are showing, they are putting on ridiculous tape delay. It’s not as though the competitions are happening half way across the world so they’re going on in the middle of the night here. I’m in the same time zone as Vancouver. And still, I’m watching these ‘live’ competitions at night and yet it’s clearly day out when they’re happening. Kind of hard to get into it when you know the result was actually hours ago.

4. Another network could do better. A network with more stations in its fold is clearly better suited to this sort of thing. That way, they could show the big-gun competitions on their main station, but still air the less exciting ones on their other satellite channels. And still have room for the boring Olympic-themed story programming. ESPN in 2012! Who’s with me?

Photo via NBC

In this week’s episode of Family Guy Chris goes on a date with a girl with Down syndrome who, when asked about her family, says that her mother is the former Governor of Alaska. They don’t ever say “Palin” and the mentally disabled person in question is a girl, not a boy, but still, the point is clear.

According to the LA Times, Sarah Palin posted her feelings about this on Facebook, saying it felt like “a kick in the gut.” Which, to be fair, it probably kind of was. I would even feel bad for her, if I didn’t think she was such an evil person. An evil person who you almost never see with her disabled son, Trig–a child whom you would expect would require quite a bit of care.

And who has cried wolf about lots of other things–such as Letterman making jokes about her daughter. The thing is, that when you make a habit about being thin-skinned to the extreme, and making a constant fuss about little things, while calling out others, it lessens the point when you really might deserve empathy.

As for Family Guy creator Seth McFarlane, his publicist released the following statement, “From its inception, Family Guy has used biting satire as the foundation of its humor. The show is an “equal-opportunity offender.” Sounds about right to me.

Photo via Source

According to the BBC, primatologist Betsey Herrelko experimented with introducing video technology to the chimps. She started off giving them a touchscreen on which they eventually learned to select which video they wanted to watch (e.g., life outside their enclosure or the food prep area).

The next phase, however, involved giving them a chimp-proof camera to carry around with them. They brought the ‘Chimpcam’ around, figuring out that moving it around brought different images onto the screen.

The ensuing footage was edited and put together into a movie that aired on the BBC last week.

I’m sure some think this is either the height of using science for frivolous ends and/or the end of the universe, but I think it’s awesome. I mean, chimp reality TV? I’m totally sold. It’s not like there’s one with the box on his shoulder going, ‘Hey, Alphonse, a little to the left, we’re losing the light.’

It’s just them running around and being chimps, which is fun if for no other reason than you get such an up close perspective. But if they were having fun figuring out what they were looking at? Even better.

I think the shaky-cam action makes it kind of like chimp Cloverfield. Take a look.

So which ones light up my day when there’s a new post to be had?

5. The Rude Hamptons

I don’t live in the Hamptons. I don’t even live on the East Coast anymore. But I am given to understand that the people who go there for vacation are just horrid. What’s more fun than the schadenfreude of the locals giving vent to their ire at the world-renowned bad behavior of the richies who invade for the summer?

4. Tiny Art Director

Artist Bill Zeman’s (now) four-year-old daughter is apparently a very tough crowd. She asks him to draw things, which invariably come out awesome, and then almost always informs him why they do not meet her specifications. He’s been a little quiet as of late because the blog has been becoming a book, but he claims he will be posting more. And regardless, the archives are pretty awesome. She’s one tough cookie.

3. ShitMyDadSays

Okay, this one isn’t a blog, it’s a Twitter (and now Facebook) account. But given the fact that he has over 1.2 million followers and a possible TV show spin off since starting the account just a few months ago, I think it counts. Author Justin is a 29-year-old guy who lives with his hilarious 74-year-old dad who routinely says things like, “The baby will talk when he talks, relax. It ain’t like he knows the cure for cancer and he just ain’t spitting it out,” and “You need to flush the toilet more than once…No, YOU, YOU specifically need to. You know what, use a different toilet. This is my toilet.”

2. Sleep Talkin’ Man

(Image via The Sun)

This one just went viral a couple of weeks ago, and thank heavens it did. A normally mild-mannered English guy has taken to talking in his sleep, and his wife has blessedly graced the world with his ridiculously funny nocturnal ramblings. I live for this one right now. He routinely says things like “Butt cheeks ahoy! There she blows!” and “Well that’s just great. Peanut butter in my crack. Goddamnit.” I wish I had this guy’s dreams.

1. Things I Don’t Want to Eat

What? Like I’m going to write this post and NOT put my own blog in? I’ve been cooking my way through a Recipe Book my mother-in-law put together for me filled with family and friends’ recipes when my husband and I got married. Because I’m a picky eater and a very inexperienced cook, this means I routinely do things like set my kitchen on fire and then have to explain how much I hate whatever favorite recipe someone I love and/or have to see often gave me. Hence: amusing AND you get good recipes out of it. What’s not to love?

Deep Dark Chocolate Cake
2 cups sugar
1 3/4 cups flour
3/4 cup cocoa powder
1 1/2 tsp baking powder
1 1/2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
2 eggs
1 cup milk
1/2 cup vegetable oil
2 tsp vanilla
1 cup boiling water

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Flour two 9″ pans or one 13″ x 9″ pan.

Stir together dry ingredients in a bowl. Add eggs through vanilla and beat on medium with an electric mixer for two minutes. Stir in boiling water. Batter will be very thin.

Bake 30-35 (for round) or 35-40 (for rectangle) minutes or until done. Cool 10 minutes before removing from pan. Cool completely before frosting.

Frosting: Beat 6 tbsp butter. Add 2 2/3 cups powdered sugar and 1/2 cup cocoa powder alternately with 4-6 tbsp of milk. Beat to spreading consistency and stir in a dash of vanilla.

Photo Source via Chocolate Blog

One of those people is the lovely Ms. Sarah Palin. Not only was it bad enough that she just reared her annoying head to rouse the morons at the Tea Party Convention, but she had the gall to do so by writing crib notes on her palm. Which she referenced. During her speech. In which she insulted President Obama for using a teleprompter.

Thanks to a nice zoomed-in picture we can see on The Huffington Post, we now know the crib notes said the following: Energy, Budget Tax Cuts and Lift American Spirits. She’s actually so dumb that she can’t remember that without cheating.

There is so much about this that makes me furious I don’t even know where to start. Is it that she is stupid enough to think that we won’t see her obviously staring at the notes she wrote on her palm as a point of reference when she is on stage with cameras on her? Is it that she is ballsy enough to rile up her audience against someone else for doing exactly what she is doing in front of them–albeit without attempting to be deceptive?

Or is it that all you have to do is watch one sitcom to know that using this particular high-school-esque cheating technique is both Wrong and Will Not Work (depending on the sitcom)? Or that she is so pig-headed that the notion of using note cards–perfectly classy–wouldn’t cut the mustard? Or that she takes a huge speaking fee (one blog says she got $100K, but the New York Times says she refused to confirm how much she received) for such little work? Or that she seems to be one of those horrible assholes who still succeeds even though they shouldn’t? Or that there are people who not only listen to her but agree with her?

I’m pretty sure it’s that last one that is what really gets me. Palin, to me, is the physical embodiment of everything that terrifies me, and while those morons have every right to think what they want, what she tells them to think seems to me nothing but dangerous. I just wish, oh how I wish, she would just GO AWAY.

While she did not post a photo of herself, she did describe herself as ‘attractive, fit, and healthy,’ and claimed she was willing to trade in her virginity for enough money to cover tuition. After receiving over 1,200 bids, Unigirl’s virginity was sold for $32,000.

As prostitution is legal in New Zealand, her activity was technically on the up and up. How safe it was–given that she now has to have sex with the type of person who would pay $32,000 to take a girl’s virginity–is questionable.

Selling one’s youth and beauty isn’t exactly shocking; women do it all the time, the world over, legal or not. You simply can’t deny that the money it brings in is good–almost as impressive as the psychic damage it does to the seller.

If everything really is true, then you have to admire someone willing to go to such lengths for an education. And then you have to think about what is wrong with a situation in which one would have to go to such lengths to get an education.

I prefer to think that she is not a virgin, rather an enterprising shyster and/or a vigilante who will then beat the crap out of the dirtbag who shows up to reap his reward. Either way, she should definitely bring every possible type of protection she can–that includes condoms and a taser.

This year, the controversy is brewing even before the game starts. Last week, CBS rejected an ad from a gay dating site that was hoping for airtime during the game. According to The Huffington Post, CBS is claiming ManCrunch.com’s ad, which shows two men kissing, is not up to network standards. They further suggest that ManCrunch.com knew this was the case, and submitted a substandard ad so they could get the publicity from the rejection. ManCrunch.com disputes this claim.

Furthering the controversy is CBS’s decision to air a pro-life ad sponsored by the Christian-affiliated Focus on the Family and starring Bible-verse-eyelid-painting University of Florida quarterback Tim Tebow, says Yahoo!.

While the Tebow ad isn’t available for viewing (until the Super Bowl), the ManCrunch.com one is. And having watched it, it does seem that CBS is full of hot air. The ad isn’t exactly a stroke of brilliance, but the production quality is perfectly fine.

Sure, CBS is within its rights to accept and reject whatever advertisers it wants. But it still looks like they’re taking a clear stance, and it’s not one I’m a fan of.

I never used to be one of those people, but then I got a cat and now rush for the camera whenever he so much as lays on his back in a vaguely cute fashion. And somehow that put me on the funny cat video email list of my friends.

These are easily the best of the funny cat videos which have swamped the ‘net, Facebook, YouTube, and so on in the past year or so. It must be noted here that all but one of them are Asian. I don’t know what it is about cats in Asia, but they are apparently extra ridiculous. And extra fat.

5. Surprised Cat.

Our only non-Asian entry. I have no idea why or how this little kitten evolved such a reaction to the dreaded ‘kootchy-coo’ game, but it is so other-wordly cute that it makes my ovaries hurt. That makes no sense, but there you have it.

4. Water Faucet Cat.

Many of us know cats that like watching running water, but someone needs to tell this one that cats don’t like to get wet.

3. Box-Jumping Cat.

Meet Maru, the obese and silly Asian cat, who amongst other things evidently likes to defy gravity by basically levitating himself from a seated position and hurling himself into boxes. Truly impressive.

2. 12-pack Attack Cat.

Maru again, who appears to have a weird thing for all things square and cardboard. He stalks empty soda box containers and then throws himself into them and skitters across the floor, fat legs hanging out the back, and ramming himself head first into the furniture. Oh, Maru.

1. Ninja Cat.

There is nothing to be said for this one other than hilarious.

If you’re British, on the other hand, this guy is more on the Brangelina-level of celebrity. Over there they know about the drug, alcohol, and sex addiction issues that he details so candidly in this amusing, if slightly overwhelming memoir.

What I learned from his memoir, My Booky Wook, is this:

1. Brand is surprisingly smart. Okay, I learned that a little bit from his Fresh Air interview that led me to getting the book in the first place, but still. Seriously a smart guy–not what you’d expect for his persona and upbringing.

2. Brand had a rough time growing up–some very hard experiences and he was a very sensitive guy. He started self-medicating with drugs and also sex (thank you to his dad for introducing him to the wonders of sex tours on an Asian vacation), which in some ways helped him get through the day, but ultimately started to tank his career and relationships.

3. Reading a celeb memoir that wasn’t ghost written is a nice change of pace.

In short, this memoir about a guy who did horrible, seedy things and sabotaged all his relationships totally won me over. Brand’s level of honesty about both his insecurity and the reasons why he had these issues, as well as his owning his responsibility for his addiction, his bad behavior towards himself and others, makes him a truly impressive person to me. Basically, it seems like he got into rehab and blossomed. He took it seriously–drugs, alcohol, sex were things that helped him cope and when he found other tools he applied them.

The tremendous self-deprecation that comes with his telling this story is what makes it (quite) palatable. I’m sure he is quite imperfect like the rest of us, but as far as I can tell this guy has worked quite hard on his issues, which always impresses me. It’s a hard journey, and it takes a strong person to be able to look in the mirror and really face his part in his problems, give up addictions, and deal with the horrible feelings that got you there in the first place before you really have the good coping mechanism in place.

In short, it’s his personal journey I find very compelling. But as Brand is a smart, funny guy, he manages to deliver it in an entertaining enough way. Sure there is some jumping around from anecdote to anecdote, but that’s fine by me.

Will someone with his personal demons be able to make it work in a marriage? Let alone one to a star like Katy Perry? I don’t know. But I honestly wish them the absolute best and hope it does. This is a guy who deserves a lot of happiness. He has worked hard for it.

For best results, make it the night before Valentine’s Day (somehow when given the chance to settle in it gets even better). Then haul it out for some holiday indulgence. Sweets to the sweet.

Chocolate Toffee Bark

- 1 box of graham crackers (original, not cinnamon). You will use less than 1/2 box.
- 2 sticks of butter
- 1 cup of brown sugar, packed
- One 12 oz pack of milk chocolate bits (you can also use semi-sweet or dark chocolate)
- 1/2 cup of chopped nuts (any kind–I like pecans or walnuts)

Line a cookie sheet with aluminum foil and butter it generously. Lay on the graham crackers – covering the cookie sheet completely.

In a pan, combine the butter and brown sugar. Bring to a boil and simmer for 3-4 minutes.

Pour over graham crackers. Put in a 400 degree oven for about 4-5 minutes.

Take out of oven and sprinkle the chocolate bits all over. After the chocolate is melted (a few minutes), you can use a spatula to gently smooth the chocolate.

Sprinkle with the nuts. Let cool completely (you can use the refrigerator). Once the chocolate is hardened, you can cut it in squares – or simply break it into pieces. The longer you let it cool the better. A pizza cutter is a perfect tool for cutting these.

For a fun alternative, consider using Saltines instead of Graham Crackers are also good for a salty/chocolate combination.

All the more reason to wow people with it if you are either throwing or attending a Superbowl party this year.

Black Bean Lime Chili

1 cup water
2/3 cup couscous
3 tbsp olive oil
1 vidalia onion, chopped
3 cloves garlic, crushed
1 red bell pepper, chopped
1 green bell pepper, chopped
1 tbsp chili powder
1 14 oz can stewed tomatoes
1 15 oz can black beans
1 10 oz can white meat chicken, or 2 cups shredded chicken (or go without if you want to go vegetarian)
1/2 cup fresh lime juice (about 3 normal-sized limes)
1/4 cup fresh cilantro

Bring 1 cup water to a boil in a small saucepan and then pour the couscous in one steady stream. Stir to prevent lumps. Turn off the heat, cover, and set aside for 15 minutes once liquid is absorbed. Fluff with a fork. You can also just follow the preparation instructions on your couscous box.

Cook and shred chicken if you are not going with the canned option. Set aside.

In a heavy-bottomed pot, heat oil over medium heat. Add onion and cook until soft. Add garlic and cook for 1 minute. Add bell peppers and chili powder and cook for another minute.

Stir in tomatoes and black beans and their liquid. Bring all to a simmer for 5 minutes or until thickened. Add chicken and heat through. Stir in lime juice and cilantro and remove from heat. Serve over fluffed couscous. 

In reality, Starbucks is just upping prices. This isn’t exactly earth shattering. But here’s the trick: they aren’t upping prices on plain cups of coffee. In fact, they are actually lowering the cost of those by 10 cents. Which means their new pricing plan looks sort of like it puts a douchebag tax on those of us who enjoy asking the barista for a double decaf soy latte with a shot of chai. Or whatever.

Really, it’s not that exciting. It’s not like the baristas get to use their discretion and then tack on an extra $.25 if you are a pain in the ass. “Oops, you didn’t say please! That will be another dime!” Although I have to admit that would be fun.  Mostly, they just upped their prices a little, which I suppose is fair. Companies do that from time to time. They just got exciting by lowering the cost of regular coffee–perhaps as an incentive to bring in more customers? To reward those of us who don’t make the barista do extra work?

But then again, isn’t that what Starbucks is all about? The extra work, the silly names, the weird combinations? I mean, if I wanted a plain old cup of black coffee I could get that anywhere. It’s only at Starbucks where I can get my delightful Tall Caramel Macchiato with Whipped Cream. I guess I’m the douchebag.

10. The Moth

Frequency: Weekly.

The Moth started out in New York as a live “essay” show in which anyone who wants to can pitch his or her name into a hat (literally) and, if chosen, stand up in front of the crowd and tell a real story on a predetermined theme, all live and without notes. Stories are supposed to be limited to about five minutes each, but the weekly selected podcast story (picked from Moth shows in New York, LA, Chicago and Detroit) often goes longer.

9. Sound Opinions

Frequency: Weekly.

The only thing that keeps my musical taste even vaguely up to date as I enter the perilous mid-thirties. The rock critics from The Chicago Sun Times and The Chicago Tribune review new albums, interview artists, and so on. It sounds rock-snobby, but is surprisingly accessible and interesting.

8. This American Life

Frequency: Weekly.

The mother of all podcasts, it’s basically like The Moth, but it came before. Interesting stories guided by the mellifluous tones of Ira Glass. Yes, you can probably listen to this one on the weekend NPR broadcast wherever you are, but the podcast works, too.

7. Fresh Air

Frequency: Daily.

Who here is noticing that NPR dominates not only my fave podcasts, but the top podcasts in general? I don’t love this nearly as much as I love TAL, but Teri Gross is a good interviewer. I pick and choose with this one — skip the ‘boring’ subjects, and mostly just listen to the celeb interviews.

6. The B.S. Report with Bill Simmons

Frequency: Varies, usually a couple a week.

As any guy will tell you, Bill Simmons is “the sports guy” for ESPN. I find sports boring, but Bill Simmons loves TV and movies, so half of his podcasts are about “Mad Men” or “The Real World/Road Rules Challenge,” which I do like. And he sometimes (often) gets celeb guests to yap about that stuff with him, too. See also: Adam Corrolla.

5. Car Talk

Frequency: Weekly.

Yes, yes. NPR. Again. And yes, cars sound boring, but the Magliozzi brothers are cute and make it fun. I can thank my grandmother for introducing me to this one.

4. The Ricky Gervais Podcast

Frequency: Varies, infrequent.

This one is sort of defunct, sort of not, in that Gervais will come up with a random podcast here and there when the mood strikes or he has something to plug. And he’s more into video ones now. But the old ones were funny as all get out — so much so that I decided to buy his Ricky Gervais Guide audiobooks, which are basically hour-long podcasts with his friends Karl and Steve all yelling at each other. It’s awesome.

3. Stuff You Missed in History Class/Stuff You Should Know

Frequency: Varies, usually a couple a week.

These podcasts from HowStuffWorks.com sound a little dorky. Okay, they are a little dorky. But they’re not bad. The girls who do the history one aren’t as good as the guys who do the other one, but they can all be decently interesting.

2. Wait, Wait Don’t Tell Me

Frequency: Weekly.

Yup, NPR again. Weekly news quiz. Funny and good guests. Way better than that horrid Whad’Ya Know? — Yuck!

1. Savage Love Podcast

Frequency: Weekly.

Awesome podcast from America’s favorite sex advice columnist, Dan Savage. Call in and ask about your orgasm questions or if you should date a Frisbee fetishist. Saucy!

That Israel’s El Al, the airline of the country that terrorists most hate, is the safest airline in the world — obviously a major accomplishment. So how do they do it? Well, according to this well-done piece by Martin Himel of The Wall Street Journal, the answer is: ethnic profiling.

The theory behind the ethnic profiling makes sense. It’s Israel. If you aren’t Jewish, why exactly would you be going there? And if you’re not only not Jewish, but part of a known potentially hostile group, then really why would you be going there? If you can answer their questions correctly, then obviously you have nothing to hide. But if you have something to hide, you are going to be grilled and quite likely caught.

The need for it, and acceptance of it in Israel also makes sense. This is a place that is highly militarized–everyone does military service, guns are absolutely everywhere. And given the way all of their neighbors feel about them, it’s understandable.

But would that fly–and more to the point, is that appropriate–in the US? While there are many in the world who do not like us, we are hardly under the same threat as Israel. More importantly, civil liberties and equality are one of the major cornerstones of that whole Constitution thing we’ve got, and there is no getting around the fact that profiling violates that. Israel, on the other hand, isn’t exactly known for not treating some (ahem, Arabs)–whether or not you can see their reasoning–like second-class citizens.

Then again, Israel allows gays in the military.

I don’t know what the right call is. Perhaps there isn’t one. But I would only hope there is something better than what we’ve got now.

1. Skiing.

I conned my parents into private ski lessons as a kid and it was love at first sight. A love so devoted that as a New Englander, I would even brave temperatures of 15 below zero–and the frozen eyelashes that entails–in the event of the coveted and elusive good snowfall. When I hit college, we hit on the idea of flying out west for some bigger mountains and more pleasant weather, but the point remains. There is something ridiculously fun about strapping sticks to your feet and barreling down a mountain. Just make sure you get the boot and glove heaters for the cold days–they make a world of difference. And those fun new helmets that you can hook up your iPod to. (See also: snowboarding.)

2. Cross-country skiing.

As a downhill skier, I will cop to a huge prejudice against cross country skiing. Anyone who has pushed him or herself across a traverse, or even (dread!) had to go uphill will know that it is miserable. However, my husband persuaded me to try it and it turns out it is ridiculously awesome. Those light little cross country skis are a whole world of difference–a difference that makes me dream of moving to Iowa or somewhere else flat, where I can get low-impact, aerobic but not too stressful exercise with my dog running along next to me. Oh, and cheap?! So cheap! NB: Go for groomed trails if you can. I tried un-groomed trails once and thought I would die of exposure in the middle of a golf course.

3. Ice Skating.

Most people think of doing this one as romantic, at the sweet little rinks holding hands with your man while you wobble in gentle circles. But as the flamboyant gay man ice dancing as though he was rollerskating around cones at Venice Beach in the ’80s taught me, this can be more of a workout. If you have a frozen over pond near you, then you’re in luck. Get a pair of cheap skates off Craigslist, hook up your iPod, and go to town.

4. Snow Shoeing

I remember snow shoeing in Vermont with my dad when I was a kid. We strapped on ancient snow shoes that looked more like tennis racquets and walked through the quiet woods and saw trees that grew through rocks. Snow shoe technology has come a long way since then, morphing into fun, lightweight fancy gear that beckon to me from the L.L. Bean and REI catalogs. It really is pretty cool being able to walk on top of the snow, and it’s a peaceful, relaxing way to get out and enjoy the outdoors. Plus, keeping warm always burns calories — right?

5. Dog sledding

I am obsessed with the idea of getting to go on a dog sled ride. I doubt it can be considered exercise, per se, for the humans involved, but who cares? It has to be the most fun ever. For extra credit, you can also try skijoring, which basically involves getting a special harness for your dog and then letting him/her pull you along while you are on skis. Obviously this sounds amazingly fun, and one day I will do it. Oh, one sweet day.