Secret #1: You splurged on an expensive guilty pleasure like a new pair of shoes or a designer handbag.

When it’s okay to keep quiet: If it’s a one-time indulgence and you used your own money.

When you should fess up: If you used joint funds that were meant for something else, if you’re racking up credit cards or other debt, or if you’d be upset to find out he spent a similar amount on something for himself and didn’t tell you.

Secret #2: You’ve been contacting an ex.

When it’s okay to keep quiet: If you’re really just interested in casual friendship and the contact is limited to quick emails or Facebook comments.

When you should fess up: If things feel flirty, if you’ve been talking to him on the phone, or if you’ve scheduled a meet-up or have already gotten together in person. Just think how you would feel if things were reversed and it was your man and one of his exes.

Secret #3: You snooped.

When it’s okay to keep quiet: If it was a minor, spur-of-the-moment slip like reading an email he left open on his computer screen or scrolling through his recent calls list when you accidentally took his phone to work instead of yours.

When you should fess up: If you don’t trust him, or if you have a pathological snooping problem (he’ll be more understanding if he ever catches you in the act).

Secret #4: You really can’t stand his best friend, or his favorite aunt.

When it’s okay to keep quiet: If you don’t like them because they aggravate you or are not “your kind of people” then there’s really no helping it and you’re gonna have to suck it up and tolerate them. After all, it’s rare for a person to like everybody in their significant other’s life.

When you should fess up: If you feel genuinely uncomfortable or unsafe then you should speak to your partner about it, privately.

Secret #5: You slipped on a dirty habit, like smoking.

When it’s okay to keep quiet: If you only slip up every once in awhile, like sneaking a smoke once every few months with friends, and there’s no developing pattern.

When you should fess up: If it’s getting worse, if there’s a pattern forming, or if you’ve fallen off the wagon completely.

(Photo courtesy of YPsilon13 on stock.xchng)

The First Date. This is where it all starts and, for the majority of new relationships, also where it all ends.

The Second Date. A crucial milestone because it confirms that both people are interested.

The First Kiss. A big test of chemistry, a good first kiss can give the relationship a serious kick start while a bad one can kill it before it even gets going.

Defining the Relationship. When you realize that you aren’t interested in seeing other people, one of you initiates “the talk,” and you both mutually agree to become exclusive.

Going Away Together. Travel is stressful, plus suddenly being around the other person 24/7 tends to throw “best behavior” out the window. Vacations, road trips, and weekend getaways have killed many a promising relationship.

The First “I Love You.” Some people throw these around like candy, but for most of us it’s a really big deal.

The One-Year Anniversary. Dating someone for a year means you’ve been through all kinds of tests together, plus there’s a mental shift that takes place when you start to go through annual events (like birthdays and holidays) with the same person for the second time.

Future Talks. Using “we” instead of “I” and talking about weddings, houses, baby names, and settling down together is significant (when both people are doing it).

Meet the Parents. Perhaps one of the most infamous signals of a long-term relationship, meeting the parents and family represents being let in to a very intimate circle.

The Proposal/Marriage. The final step, which happens once you’re both sure you’ve found the one person you want to spend the rest of your life with — and hopefully you’re right!

(Photo courtesy of Mart1n on stock.xchng)

What is sex? You’d be surprised at how tough it is for adults to answer that question. According to ABC News, a new study from The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University found that no single generation or gender agrees on a definition of “had sex.”

The study asked 484 people, “Would you say you had sex with someone if…” People between the ages of 18 and 96 took part in the study, and the results were all over the map. Nearly 95 percent of people in the study agreed that penile-vaginal intercourse meant “had sex.” But the numbers changed as the questions got more specific.

For example, 11 percent of respondents would not use the phrase “had sex” if “the man did not come.” About 80 percent of respondents said penile-anal intercourse meant “had sex” and about 70 percent of people believed oral sex was sex.

Isn’t it just semantics? People know what it is they’re doing, even if they define it differently (or use that cryptic phrase “hooked up”). But doctors, sociologists and therapists all agree that the varying definition of “sex” can be a big problem in some cases, especially when it comes to discussing your sexual history with your doctor.

“Having sex is a euphemism. It is not a very exact term,” said Eli Coleman, of the Program in Human Sexuality at the University of Minnesota Medical School in Minneapolis. “That’s why it’s very important that physicians and health care workers ask more specific and precise questions rather than using euphemisms.”

Wait, isn’t a euphemism a word that sounds better than what it describes? If you’re doing it right, you shouldn’t need a euphemism!

Surprised? I’m not really, clearly the stereotypes are out of date. Of course women today still want families, but we also want to have fun and go to college and build careers. We’re not in any rush to have kids because, for a woman, having a baby too soon means some of that stuff doesn’t happen. Men, on the other hand, can make a baby and still do whatever they want. For a guy, “doing the right thing” doesn’t necessarily mean marriage like it used to, plus of course they’re not the ones who have to be pregnant for 9 months, or even live with the baby after it’s born (depending on circumstances). I think for modern men getting a girl pregnant doesn’t come with the same repercussions it used to and it could even be a little like getting a new toy.

What do you think?

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According to The Associated Press, the Itawamba County school district’s board decided Wednesday to cancel the event “due to the distractions to the educational process caused by recent events.” The statement didn’t mention McMillen or the American Civil Liberties Union, which backed McMillen’s request, but what other “distractions” could there be?

McMillen said the cancellation was retaliation for her efforts to bring her girlfriend, also a student, to the April 2 dance. ”A bunch of kids at school are really going to hate me for this, so in a way it’s really retaliation,” McMillen told The Clarion-Ledger of Jackson.

School policy requires that senior prom dates be of the opposite sex. The ACLU of Mississippi had given the district until Wednesday to change that policy, arguing that banning McMillen from bringing a female date violated McMillen’s constitutional rights.

District officials said they hope “private citizens will organize an event” instead. Kristy Bennett, legal director for the ACLU of Mississippi, said the district was trying to avoid the issue. ”But that doesn’t take away their legal obligations to treat all the students fairly,” Bennett said. “On Constance’s behalf, this is unfair to her. All she’s trying to do is assert her rights.”

I remember how much I looked forward to prom in high school. I hope Constance and her girlfriend get to have their dance!

Photo: AP

1. They like the occasional compliment, despite what society says.
2. When they’re too honest it means they care. A guy who cares will tell it how it is (even if it’s awkward or tactless) versus dishing out a bunch of BS. Which do you really want?
3. Reliability is under-appreciated because all us girls go for the bad boys.
4. Spending time with guys doesn’t mean they love us any less. It just means they need to recharge and get back to their ‘manly’ roots.
5. They love that we’re different than them (feminine).
6. They like it when we take charge in the bedroom because they want us to be happy but have no idea what they’re doing.
7. They do, actually, think about their own fulfillment first (life, career, etc) and they think we’re sexiest when we’re doing the same.
8. They like measurable goals, which is why relationships and emotions are so scary.
9. They are trying, even if we don’t always notice (or if we only notice the failures).
10. Fathers are  just as important as mothers.

So there you have it, feel enlightened? Read more from the man’s perspective here.

(Photo courtesy of catalin82 on stock.xchng)

“Could Sid have sex outside of his marriage with me? Yes. That’s not a deal-breaker,” the actress told Barbara Walters in the interviewer’s Oscar special. “That’s not something that would make us say, ‘Pack your things and let’s end the marriage.’”

When asked to clarify the parameters of her open marriage, Mo’Nique stated that she has not had sex outside of her marriage, but her husband was permitted to do so.

Although I fail to understand why Mo’Nique isn’t getting her slice of the open-marriage pie, I do applaud her for not being afraid to tell the world her views on marriage. Although unconventional, it is encouraging to see people in our culture open up more about sex, love and marriage.

As long as each person in a relationship clearly understands and is comfortable with the rules of engagement, I say have at it. If the rules are that the marriage is closed, wonderful. If the rule is that it is open, that’s just fine too. The definition of marriage has evolved so much over time and it is obvious that one marriage mold does not fit everyone. Clearly defining what marriage means for each person in the relationship prior to marriage is of utmost importance.

However, it is important to keep an honest and open dialogue throughout your marriage. As wants and desires change, it is imperative that you have a partner you can talk openly and honestly with. As long as each person agrees on the marriage rules, I fail to see a problem with how a couple defines their marriage.

Don’t hijack other people’s conversations and make it all about you. It’s always nice to contribute but avoid upstaging with statements like “you think that’s funny, I have something even funnier…” or the obvious “I can do you one better…”

Inappropriate eye contact This can go both ways: too much or too little. Not looking at someone enough while you’re talking to them can cause you to come off as aloof and uninterested (i.e. texting or rifling through your purse while talking) or shy (looking at your hands or at the floor), while looking at them too much or too intensely can make them uncomfortable.

Too much self-promotion It doesn’t take much to hit ‘too much.’ Pumping yourself up the whole time only has the opposite effect of making you come off as insecure and like you’re trying too hard.

Talking more or less than your share Conversations are, by definition, a two-way street at minimum. Don’t throw off the balance by either talking too much and drowning the other person out, or by talking too little and letting the conversation hang on ‘dead end answers’ like just yes or no.

Ghost listening We’ve all done it at some point: you’ve asked someone to repeat themselves several times and finally just fake it and pretend you understood even though you have no idea what they said. This is obviously a dangerous strategy and can leave the other person feeling even worse than if you’d just fessed up and asked them to repeat themselves one more time.

(Photo courtesy of telefon897 on stock.xchng)

You say tomato, I say tomato. It’s the little nuances each person brings to the table that makes your relationship great, right?

As people grow and change, so do their points of view, wants and desires. I remember speaking to a woman I used to work with who was still happily married to her husband of 35 years. “I think part of it is chance, Lisa,” she said. ”I mean how do you really know that what you want won’t change? How do you know that you’ll grow together instead of apart?”

Her words about marriage have stuck with me. I do believe part of it is chance, and in an ideal world, if you keep each other’s best interest at heart, you will grow together. However, sometimes differences creep up and they can be difficult to handle. But if you’re in it for the long haul, these tips can help you overcome differences and remember why you love the one you’re with.

1. Carry your partner’s heart. The words of the famous (and my favorite) poet e.e. cummings come in handy when you are trying to get over differences between you and your partner: “i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)i am never without it.” These poetic lines are a reminder that when you make a life commitment to your partner, you do carry their heart with you. Their heart is the most prized possession you carry. Remembering this can help you set aside differences and work together toward making your lives together harmonious.

2. Everyone needs room to grow. No one wants a static life partner. It is growth and change that make each of us a dynamic human being. When your partner wants to make a career move or other major life decision that you don’t agree with, remember that everyone needs room to explore and grow. Give your partner space and be supportive. If they follow tip number one, your partner won’t do anything to hurt you. Allow them time and space to change so they will be likely to do the same for you.

Although no relationship comes with a guarantee, allowing each other space and being protective of your partner’s best interest and heart will help ensure you grow together instead of apart.

Photo via istock

He sat there as impassive and mute as an Easter Island statue.

So what to do. Act as stupidly as possible, maybe? Alright, we can try that.

If you remember, he was my Bartender before he was my Boyfriend, and that he worked in my favorite dive bar too, before I had to sully it with the possibility of romance. So back I went, to prove to myself that I loved a cheap beer more than I loved him. I didn’t order from the bar, I talked only to my waitress, who probably knew we had gone to Splitsville by now. I played darts by myself, feeling his stubborn eyes watching me.

The crowd picked up as it got later, and I got drunker, and soon I wasn’t alone near the dart board.  I don’t even remember looking at him first, I just remember talking to him.

“You’re much, much too good at this game, did you know that?”
“I spend much, much too much time in here, that’s why.”
“That’s a lot of much-es.”

I laughed, nearly spilling a little beer on his shoe.  He took a quick step back.

“Hey, I’m Andrew. Can I get you another drink?”
“I’m Ingrid.”

It took him all of five minutes to make me laugh and get my name and buy me a drink. Closer to closing time we were out on the smoking patio, cracking up over a mutual love of a cult TV show, when I shivered a bit in the cold. He took off his red flannel shirt and put it around me.  I finally took a good look at him through fuzzy eyes.  He was pale, a bit  red-headed, sporting a fairly bushy beard. His blue eyes seemed kind.

Even as he was asking me if I wanted to go home with him.

A one night stand? Have I ever done this before? Not really. Can I do it now, how badly am I hurting?
Exactly how many STDs might I get?

I was asking myself these questions not that night, but early the next morning, as I tiptoed around his quiet, unfamiliar apartment, looking for my shoes.  I surveyed the landscape. Guitar in the corner, music magazines here and there. Oh. A musician. I’ve heard about dating musicians. Narcissists, all of them, declared one weeping friend of mine who had been burned too many times.

I quietly grabbed a bottle of water out of his fridge, picked up my purse, and started to seal the deal on this one-nighter by opening the front door, when he caught me.

“Were you really going to leave without saying anything?”

I turned and there he was in the living room doorway, now clad in an old t-shirt and some natty old boxers that had bananas all over them. I stared at the bananas and thought briefly of how this guy had made me grip the headboard last night as though my very being depended upon it. But wasn’t it just really really great f*ck you-break up-rebound sex? Isn’t that all it should be?  He’s not even your type!  He’s a pale ginger-y singer-songwriter with a Zach Galifinakis beard!

He’s still staring at you, Ingrid, say something.

“It…depends.”
“Depends? On?”
“What we’re having for breakfast, I guess.”

I shut the door. What the hell am I doing.

—

Hit that comment box! Tell me a bit about one of your one night stands.  You’d do it again, or never again? Was it reckless and wrong or simply liberating?

According to researchers at John Hopkins, yes. Yes it can.

There’s even a name for it: Broken Heart Syndrome (BHS). And it occurs when sudden and unexpected emotional stress triggers the body to release a slew of chemicals into the blood stream (catecholamines, their breakdown products, and small waste proteins from the nervous system) that can potentially shock the heart and cause it to stop working normally. So your heart really can break in a very real and physical way, simply as the result of emotional angst.

Doctors estimate that as many as 1-2% of all people who suffer heart attacks are really experiencing Broken Heart Syndrome, and unfortunately most of those cases are women. Symptoms of BHS are similar to those of a traditional heart attack: chest pain, radiating arm pain, and shortness of breath. Heart attacks can also present themselves in a variety of other ways with vague or seemingly unrelated symptoms, especially in women. If in doubt get it checked out — immediately!

The good news is that with prompt and appropriate medical attention BHS is treatable and usually leaves no lasting damage. Unfortunately, that bad breakup is another matter.

(Photo courtesy of kiomi on stock.xchng)

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. Plan your girl party. Since you have extra space at your place, invite your friends over for a girl’s night in. Rent movies, drink wine, and let your out-of-town mate fantasize about the pillow fight. This is a great time to bond with the ladies in your life for an extended amount of time.

Detox. Living with a man can wreak havoc on your diet. It’s difficult to eat your healthy grilled chicken breast with steamed broccoli while your man decides to bring home his favorite Philly Cheese Steak. This time away is a great time to detox for a weekend. You can do a juice fast or go all out and give The Master Cleanse a three-day try, or whatever kind of diet detox you like. Stock up on some yoga DVDs or other ways to relax and cleanse your body and mind.

Reconnect with family. While it’s tempting to spend this time apart yucking it up with friends, this can be a great time to spend with your family too—solo time. Now that I’m married, most of the time I spend with my family involves my husband and I spending time with them, which is great, but sometimes lacking. Plan a dinner with your parents, just the three of you. Or spend time visiting your grandparents. If everyone lives far away, you can also spend time reconnecting with them via an old-fashioned letter.

Photo via Going-Well

Who says you have to completely cut out the skill you’ve been honing since the playground?  Follow these guidelines to flirt within the confines of love.

1.  Bring back a wink and a smile. Simply smiling at the clerk behind the counter or the mechanic working on your car can yield some serious flirting benefits.  When you are friendly, people naturally want to be friendly back.  The wink and smile don’t mean anything other than you being friendly, right?  And if it gets the mechanic to not charge you for changing your headlight while he’s changing your oil, all the better.

2.  Flirt with your girlfriends.  Women do not tend to sing the praises of the other women in their life.  Make a habit of telling your lady friends how fabulous they are.  When they do something awesome or wear something sexy, tell them how beautiful and intelligent they are.  It will boost their self-esteem and your mate will find it sexy.

3.  Eye contact. Do not underestimate the power of looking directly in to someone’s eyes.  The goal here is not to do a creepy stare-down, but make eye contact, smile, look away – the classic flirt move.  Do this when you shake your partner’s boss’ hand while you say, “My husband has told me a lot about you.  It’s great to finally meet you.”  This simple, flirtatious friendliness will leave the impression that you are friendly and fun.

4.  Flirt with your mate.  Don’t forget to still flirt with your mate.  Smile and wink at him from across the room, lightly touch his leg when you’re out in public.  These subtle ways of letting him know you still find him sexy will remind him of how the two of you were when you first met.

5.  Walk the line. If you are a flirting machine, tread carefully in this territory.  Remember, your goal is not to snag a new partner, it’s just to be friendly and fun.  If you employ these tips while wearing your mini skirt and thigh-high boots, you are bound to give the wrong impression.

The key here is that flirting is a subtle art.  If you are obnoxiously giggling while making eye contact and falling all over people, that is not flirting, it’s being trashy.  Think Marilyn Monroe not Paris Hilton.

What did however manage to slip my mind was the loss of access to other kinds of “friends,” ex-boyfriends and ex-flings, a stable rotation of boys for those lonely nights. It dawned on me one day when I realized that I had been in LA eight weeks with no sex. I mean, not even so much as a make out session. A panic set in. In my opinion, nothing is worse than sex with randoms. 99% of the time it’s downright terrible and the other 1% of the time it’s good, but then comes that unavoidable attachment to an emotionally unavailable stranger. Although my way of thinking may be co-dependent, there is security in knowing where your next fix will be available. (Keeping around old lovers for when it’s time to get down to business.)

One of my newly acquired LA friends Chase had Jamie, an East Coast friend, staying with him for his birthday. Over dinner the chemistry between us became apparent. We had nothing in common except a mutual friend and a love for the tri-state area. There was zero chance of becoming attached on my end. Though he was sweet and affectionate, Jamie was like a 16-year-old pot head with ADHD stuck in a 27-year-old man’s body. Nonetheless, I saw this connection as the perfect opportunity to end my dry spell and after dinner, we went to Chase’s house for a night cap. We waited impatiently for him to go to bed and then began making out feverishly on my poor friend’s couch.  After the mortifying thought of getting caught, we decided to head to my place.

We had sex. It had all the awkward fumbling of two people who barely know one another. It wasn’t bad. It wasn’t great. It was sufficient.

The next morning, Jamie didn’t jet faster than lightning and he didn’t overcompensate by pretending our night together was something more. We simply got dressed, went to brunch, had some mimosas and then decided to drive out to Malibu for the day where we stayed to watch the sunset. He was in town for the week, and rather organically he became my boyfriend for the duration of his stay. We went to movies, shopping and sightseeing around a city that was unfamiliar to the both of us. I was not upset when he didn’t call the day he left. I realized that I was his vacation sex.

Vacation sex is an experience with which I am very familiar. My first vacation sex was a few years back and the catalyst to my ending a four year old relationship that had become completely loveless. Without that experience, I would probably still be with my ex and living in New York. I realized vacation sex can be transcendent and life-altering. If you are a girl who knows better, you realize off the bat that a deeper relationship should not be explored. It’s about the here and now and living in the moment. With vacation sex, you can be as emotionally vulnerable as you want with your temporary lover. It’s for fun so have some! Just be certain your fling is at a far enough distance or else you may catch yourself contemplating a deeper relationship. 2,780.82 miles will do me just fine.

There’s plenty of humor out there about swapping spit and sharing gum wads, so it’s really no surprise that what’s in your partner’s mouth could end up in your mouth. But did you ever consider cavities among the list of tradeables? Cavities are caused by bacteria, so someone who has a lot of cavities in their mouth will have a lot of cavity-causing bacteria swimming around in their saliva. Kiss them and you’ve now got that bacteria swimming around in your mouth, ready to settle in and find a home. Plus bacteria that cause gum disease can also come traipsing on over during a kiss, along with any number of other unwanted germs. And although you can probably avoid developing cavities and gingivitis (no matter how unhealthy your man’s mouth is) by simply brushing your own teeth and flossing regularly yourself, who wants to risk it? It brings a whole new meaning to the idea of safe sex and STDs. From now on a guy will have to have more than just good looks and good breath to tempt me into a smooch, I’ll be asking for dental records as well.

(Photo courtesy of spitznas on stock.xchng)

Needless to say, Mom’s curse worked. My daughter is just as, if not more, boy crazy than I ever was at her age. In reflection, relationships during that critical part of your teen years are incredibly unhealthy. I’ve seen it in my daughter’s friends, and was unfortunate enough over the summer to see my own daughter go through it when she thought she was in love. Like real love, not the phony emotion she had for the Jonas Brothers, or Pete Wentz. Love.

When you’re that age, relationships are a status symbol. The stereotype is boys in the locker room talking about how far they’ve gone with girls, an act to make themselves look mature, experienced and cool among their fellow boys. Girls are no different. They share details about the romantic things their boyfriends do, the things he says and once they become intimate, a lot of girls tell-all in details that would probably make the boys in the locker room blush if they were listening in.

Being in love is like a drug. Psychological studies have shown that chemicals released in the brain when you are in love are equivalent to the chemical imbalance known as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Girls become downright obsessive when they’re “in love” and want to do nothing else but spend every waking moment with their boyfriend. I’ve seen friendships dissolve over love, when a girl becomes so wrapped up in her beau she refuses to make time for her friends for fear her boyfriend will grow distracted and move on.

Balancing this emotional disaster is not easy. Everyone wants to feel loved, especially during those difficult teen years when your hormones are out of control and you feel so insecure. Parental love is still important, but it doesn’t cut it anymore. As many teens grow closer to liberation day (aka, their 18th birthday,) it’s as though they want to prove to themselves that after leaving home they can still feel loved and cared for.

I’m not sure what I can say to her sometimes. It’s a natural process, but at the same time I want her to be strong and independent. I want her to know that she can make a life for herself without having to depend on another human being to make her feel complete. On the other hand, I am incredibly romantic. I believe in true love and soul mates, and a part of me wants her to know the kind of joy and happiness I have experienced in my own life, especially with the man I am preparing to marry this October.

Are teen girl’s emotionally equipped to experience real romantic love? I know a lot of adult women who can barely handle the true intensity of love, and bounce from relationship to relationship looking for something to complete them. With many popular teen televisions shows and films and young adult literature pushing the idea of teens and love, it’s no wonder so many of them approach it with starry eyes and a heart filled with fluffy dreams.

Love is not something fleeting, like so many boy crazy obsessions seem to be. Love goes beyond the emotional and physical and becomes something almost spiritual. Explaining this to my daughter hasn’t been easy, and most days I have no idea if she even understands what I’m talking about. As with every important life lesson, I can only truly influence her by setting an empowered example.

Talk about pressure. Setting a good example is truly one of the most difficult aspects of parenting because no matter how old your children are, they watch everything you do. In your independent frame of mind, you’ll definitely make mistakes, and your children will see those mistakes. The best you can hope for is that they recognize your mistakes and try to avoid them in their own endeavors. If you’ve done everything you can to raise intelligent, empathetic and thoughtful people, you’ll still worry about them, but they’ll make informed decisions, even when it comes to love.

Photo via Ted Szukalski

Who is this mysterious man? Death Bear is an intimidating, Darth Vader-esque 7-foot-tall character created by New York performance artist Nate Hill. His mission: helping the broken-hearted. He pays solemn visits to the homes of Brooklyn residents who are struggling to move on with their lives after breakups and other painful experiences. Understandably, V-Day is a particularly busy time for him.

Death Bear’s official website explains more: “We all have someone or something we would rather just forget. Things fall apart. Love hurts. Dreams die. But when you summon Death Bear to your door, you can rest assured that help has come. Death Bear will take things from you that trigger painful memories and stow them away in his cave where they will remain forever, allowing you to move on with your life. Give him an ex’s clothes, old photos, mementos, letters, etc. Death Bear is here to assist you in your time of tragedy, heartbreak and loss.”

I see the need for Death Bear, but with a black jumpsuit, black boots and a shiny, hard-black bear head, I find him a bit creepy. What happened to just getting drunk and dramatically burning (or otherwise destroying) all ex-related objects?

Do something Show you care by taking action. Express your concern in words and take care of the person in small but meaningful ways: take out the garbage, cook them dinner, do laundry, etc.

Be personal A personal visit, phone call, or handwritten note expressing how much you care goes a lot farther than an electronic email, Facebook message, or Tweet.

Don’t say “I understand” Even if you think you do, you don’t. No two situations are every exactly the same so don’t even go there. Just be available to listen and be a shoulder to cry on.

Use “and” instead of “but” Consider this sentence: “I know this is hard right now, but I know you have the strength to get through it.” Now compare it to this sentence: “I know this is hard right now, and I know you have the strength to get through it.” Which one do you find more comforting?

Keep coming back Many people offer their condolences and then disappear back their own lives after a friend experiences a crisis, but if you really want to show you care continue to check up on and offer your assistance for days, weeks, months, and even years after the event (depending on what it was).

(Photo courtesy of central on stock.xchng)

So you’re talking to a guy and you’re really into him, but he is he into you? Men are notoriously hard to read, but although they stink at showing their emotions there are some things their body language will give away if you know what to look for. Here are four signs that say yes, he’s into you.

He finds excuses to touch you. Brushing something off your sweater, moving a stray hair out of your face, or putting his hand on the small of your back as you walk through a crowded room or doorway are all signals that he’s totally digging you. Not only is it about the desire to be in your personal space, but on an instinctual level ‘grooming’ like that is a way to show interest (think monkeys).

He turns his chest towards you. Science says that when a man points his chest at you directly he’s doing the civilized and watered-down version of a gorilla beating his chest with his hands — he’s saying ‘look at me, I’m important’ and subconsciously making sure you notice him and are impressed. (Also it’s just natural human nature to turn and face someone when you’re interested in what they have to say.)

He looks a little surprised, even just for a moment. Guys try to play it cool but if you’re impressing them or standing out like no one they’ve ever met before you’ll see it on their face in the form of slightly raised eyebrows and a quick look of surprise. Apparently it’s a subconscious reaction that comes from a place of liking what he sees and a desire to take it all in.

He slouches. Assuming he’s been displaying all the other signs of interest and he’s not just a lazy bum, slouching is a good sign because it shows he’s trying to appear smaller and more approachable. It says both “I’m on your level, lets connect” and “I’m comfortable around you.”

(Photo courtesy of LotusHead on stock.xchng)

The 3-foot model is $129.99, with the larger ones running for $174 and $239! Yowza! Guys, don’t fall for this crap. You may like your giant tires or ridiculously big TV, but with roses it’s not quantity over quality. Plus, it’s not like the actual roses are any bigger than normal ones…you just get a lot of leaves. I love flowers – the fact that they’re so temporary is part of why they’re romantic – but they shouldn’t cost two hundred big ones. Find your loved one a cute mixed bouquet (or roses, if you’re the traditional type) and spend the rest of your money on a romantic picnic or something. If it’s a longtime girlfriend, try jewelry. I love these Tiffany keys - just don’t make a terrible pun about them being the key to your heart. And make sure to save some money to take your date to the Olive Garden.

You might be asking what “dating abuse” and “partner violence” means – well, quite simply put, you don’t need to be married to be abused by your partner. And it’s not always physical either. LoveisRespect.org (a group sponsored by Liz Claiborne) also defines abuse as emotional or verbal, from excessive phone calls or texts to  controlling/complaining about what you wear.

A great deal of the nonprofits and charities set up to bring awareness to this growing problem are focused on teens and studies show that dating abuse/partner abuse can lead to poor grades, drug/alcohol abuse, eating disorders, and depression.  1 in 11 teens reports being the victim of physical dating abuse every year – and who knows what goes unreported.

Consider buying a bracelet from mark Cosmetics, it will only set you back $12.  And if there’s a teenage girl in your life, whether she is a little sister, a cousin or even a daughter, there are lots of resources online you can consult if you think she’s dating an abusive partner, including the National Domestic Violence Hotline.

If you’re anything like me, swimming through my prime sexual years with the biological clock ticking in the background, you don’t need anymore reasons to have sex. Even if your hormones aren’t pushing you to jump into bed, having sex regularly can do amazing things for your health.

• Emotional Health Benefits

Statistics show that as couples grow more comfortable with one another, they are less likely to set aside time for intimacy with each other. A lack of intimacy and emotional connectivity is relatively common in relationships after the “high” of falling in love with one another begins to wear off. Reinventing your sexual relationship on a regular basis can strengthen and reestablish your bond with one another. Sexual activity and orgasm increase the levels of oxytocin (also known as the “cuddle chemical,”) your brain produces, which will make you feel happier all the way around. I don’t know about you, but I like to feel happy.

• Look Younger

One study in Scotland theorizes that because regular sexual activity increases a woman’s estrogen and DHEA levels, having sex three to four times a week could make you look between seven and twelve years younger. Healthy estrogen and DHEA levels lead to healthy, supple skin and a brighter complexion, shiny hair and brighter eyes.

• Get Fit

The average thirty-minute sexercise session can burn 85 to 200 calories, depending on the rigor of your lovemaking. You also work a variety of muscles, including stomach, pelvic, thigh and glute muscles. While I tend to burn an average of about 250-300 calories walking briskly on the treadmill in the same amount of time, working out from the comfort of my bed is far more exciting than hanging out on the treadmill!

• Boost Your Immune System

Studies show that having sex just one or two times a week has the power to boost your immune system, fighting nasty cold and flu viruses. Now you have a healthy excuse to snuggle up under the blankets with your sweetie during those long, cold months of winter.

• Regulate Your Menstrual Cycle

Endocrinology studies have proven that women who have sex at least once a week, as opposed to women who rarely have intercourse at all, are more likely to experience regular menstrual cycles. These same studies have also shown that increased estrogen levels produced during regular sexual activity has the power to reduce menstrual cramps. If you go back to that note about increased oxytocin levels as well, you’ll be less likely to feel stressed out during PMS. I’m convinced!

Oh, and by the way, having sex now will also maintain your desire to have sex later, so keep the fires burning in the bedroom, and the next time you feel the urge to utter the words, “Not tonight, honey. I have a headache,” reconsider. An active and healthy sex-life holds so many benefits, why on earth would you ever say no?

Of course, I would be irresponsible if I didn’t remind you to practice safe sex. Safe sex practices are also important when maintaining your health, by preventing you from contracting dangerous sexually transmitted diseases and getting pregnant before you’re ready. If you’re worried about drawing away from the intimacy by taking time out to suit up, make birth control methods a fun part of bedroom time.

You just got lucky. Why not share the news with the entire world? (Hmm, I can think of several reasons why not.)  Website IJustMadeLove.Comfinally offers you a platform to brag about your sexcapades with just one click. It’s actually pretty tame and safe for work – there are no details, no videos, no names…just little pink and blue icons that you can place on a geographic map. Kind of like those little plastic people in the board game Life.

The site allows you to zoom in to see just how much nookie is going on in your area. (Shockingly, there’s not much in Alaska…and I thought that’s all there would be to do there. Maybe they haven’t discovered IJML yet.) You can also add icons for couches, cars, trees and boats to make your bragging more specific. (Boats? Really? I suddenly feel prudish.)

It’s all pretty amusing, but do we really need a site like this? IJML is an example of the massive over-sharing that’s going on via social media. Like the vengeful brother who shared his sister’s hook-up list on Facebook, some things are just not meant to be shared on the Internet. Since IJML is anonymous it’s also harmless, but come on. TMI, people!

Here are some wine choices that might…lubricate the evening so to speak. And no, not in that way. Jeeze. Guttermind!

1- Prosecco

Prosecco is a dry Italian sparkling wine, known for its light convivial bubbliness, notes of white peach and apricot, and easy drinkability. It is the base of a Bellini (Prosecco and peach puree), or you can have it in a Spritz (Prosecco and Campari), or in a Mimosa (Prosecco and orange juice). Or you can just drink it right before you dive into your salad in an elegant fluted glass. Want to impress your date? Open a bottle of Prosecco, Cava, or Champagne without the mess by *holding the cork – wrapped in a kitchen towel – and turning the bottle.* One. Class. Act.

Try: Mionetto Il Prosecco

2- Pinot Noir

Ah, the elegance of Pinot Noir, the wine that properly launched the Santa Barbara wine scene and nearly gave Paul Giamatti an Oscar. Pinot Noir is counted among the greatest varietals on the planet, known for being a bit sensitive and hard to work with, but making the smooth and highly prized Burgandies of France.  It can be pretty light to medium bodied, with cherry and currant characteristics.  And as I might say after I’ve nearly consumed half a bottle, “It’s real purty in the glass.” Pinot noir goes swimmingly with salmon, turkey, pork loin, lamb, portobello mushrooms, nearly every dang thing, it’s food friendly. Get to cooking.

Try: Melville’s 2008 Verna’s Pinot Noir

3- Syrah

Syrah is a peppery spicy juicy full-bodied mo-fo that might not be for everyone, especially you wishy washy chardonnay fans, but there’s something about a big hedonistic mouthful of this smokey blackberry bomb that should inspire you to more – fleshy activities. And listen, I’ve given you a secret back door way out should you not want to cook tonight, but you still want to stay in. Syrah goes great with BBQ and burgers, even veggie burgers.  You could always pick something up and take it home and present it lovingly on a platter with a big bottle of Syrah.  Cheapest Valentine’s Day ever? Maybe. You gonna see some action? Definitely.

Try: Mollydooker’s 2008 The Boxer Shiraz

4- Port, served with chocolate

Now we are in sensual land!  Port is pretty sweet stuff but oddly enough, it goes so well with that known aphrodisiac, chocolate.  You don’t need to drink giant snifters full of port (which is basically wine plus even MORE alcohol to fortify it), you can take tiny sips, and nibble some strong dark chocolate to counterbalance it.  Blue cheese also goes well with port but doesn’t make for…an ideal kissing environment (yew).  I think there’s always something nice about whipping out a dessert wine. It shows you’re not in a rush, that you’ve put some thought into the entire meal from beginning to end – and that sweet port on the lips should inspire more romantic activities.

Try: Trentadue 2005 Petite Sirah port

Last note: You don’t have to drink ALL of these things in one meal. You might fall asleep before the night is through. Just saying! Chin chin!

(Special shout out to Sara Copeland of Red Bank Wine in Wilmington, NC for her professional input.)

“Love is overrated.”

“I don’t want to live with another person ever again.”

These are three phrases I cynically uttered multiple times after my divorce. I even surrounded myself by like-minded cynics, who helped me confirm that I didn’t need, let alone really want, a life partner. But as time passed after my divorce, and I dated more people, I did realize that I wanted a life-partner. Not a husband per se, but someone to be my partner in life. The problem was I wasn’t dating anyone who fit the bill.  So, I spent the two years after my divorce doing what I call detached dating.  I was a free woman and no one was going to tie me down! Until New Year’s Day, 2010, when after being engaged to my life partner for seven days, we got married.

From Christmas Day 2009 to New Year’s Day 2010, a span of seven days, my life changed in a way that I never would have imagined a year ago. On Christmas, my boyfriend and life-partner of one year asked me to marry him while we were in the backyard of his grandparent’s home in lovely Akron, Ohio. Seven days later, I was his wife.

My seven days as an engaged women were wonderful. They did not involve fretting over guest lists, dresses or invitations. They were seven days of blissful anticipation of making a verbal, public, spiritual and intimate expression of my love and commitment to my man.

Four days after my now-husband and I spent time together (we were supposed to be a vacation fling), he looked at me and said, “God, fine, I’ll marry you.” Granted that would have sent me running away any other time, but instead I looked at him and smiled. And I thought to myself, “I am going to marry him.”

I wasn’t scared and I didn’t want to run. I just knew.

The point is that sometimes you just know. Too often we are told to ignore our inner voice and rely on facts. But the fact was that my brain and heart knew something immediately, I had met my match.

So to all you cynical, single ladies who may secretly be wishing for love behind your tough-girl persona, never say never. Your life partner just may not have found you yet. But when he or she does, let love lead. You won’t be disappointed.

(Photo Via: Right About Me and Sean McGrath)